Well i threw up in my mouth a few times. But i successfully swallowed it. Still going strong.
I want your puppy
I meant pussy
I would rather you take my puppy
It wasn't awkward until he started humming the Rocky theme song in the middle of fucking
i woke up with a shattered plate next to my head.
You kept yelling that her vagina looked like a hatchet wound.
He invited me to see "alison wonderland" WHAT THE FUCK THATS NOT A FIRST NAME/LAST NAME TYPE DEAL
Just chased ups truck with a half wiped ass for you. You're making dinner tonight
Well you are. Awfully cute even. Like baby bunnies. And tiny, tiny penises. You know.
I'm not sure what happened. But I must have won because I obviously stole two full pitchers of beer from the bar and taped a note on them saying "your welcome"
You crawled through a doggy door 5 times for a shot if cheap vodka.
Totally forgot I asked the cop for a theoretical fist bump and he still let me drive away
Also, I found your gauge.
I found it under my pillow like a gift from the Sex Fairy.
I literally am filling up a victoria's secret bag with stuff that would give my parents a heart attack to hide in my roommates' room. This is being an adult when parents visit
My father has a definite type: blonde, busty, 18-22. It was awkward when I was in college, but now I'm over it. I play wingman for him and he buys me expensive purses for the assistance in getting him hooked up with girls younger than me. Win-win.
She climbed in my window blew me and left. She's in my phone as the blow job fairy
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