I puked while I was brushing my teeth this morning and had to get a new tbrush
Ew, did you brush them again?
Yeah but i puked on the new one and decided to give up...failure
We walked into the bar in The Flying V formation from The Mighty Ducks. We were ready.
Just washed my feet between classes in the bathroom...Four girls totally judged me...
I hope my margaritas pass through security.
There's a girl at 7-11 apologizing for her behavior and asking if she can get her shoes back.
So. Much. Sex. I feel like i ran a marathon then someone kicked me in the vagina. Soo worth it
Lol. No. We cannot eat chicken while we have sex. No.
I shit myself. Legit. And I burnt my tongue. Unrelated incidents, but related in the sense of general discomfort.
RE-DICK-YOU-LUSSSSS
That's me emphasizing the ridiculous
Stoned in some guys basement listening to ELO. it's like its 1978.
The police report said i was screaming at someone that wasnt there, then the cops told me to call someone sober and i called mike to tell him "They are trying to arrest me for stealing information from the FBI" at that point they took me to jail.
And on a positive note i found a list that i made in 3rd grade titled "what to do if you want a guy to like you"
woke up this morning and she was gone. but she left a box of donuts on the counter with a note saying "for all the 'o's you gave me last night"
I'm shrooming way too hard to deal with your bullshit at this particular point in time
You like pics of my balls that much?
I am at the store looking at frames as we text...
Randomize
