I don't get it.
Me neither.
But I masturbated to it anyway.
Sign #1 this conference will suck: Ice breaker question, how many proud virgins do we have in the room, overwhelming response. Looks like I'm not getting laid this weekend.
Oh. Im drinking alone in a banana costume. Every time youre feeling down, i want you to think of me right now and know that your life is better than mine.
She woke up 3 seperate times, each time she had a look of pure terror on her face, she had no clue where she was.
There is no way that a naked man in your kitchen can be explained-away as a "misunderstanding."
And they were awkwardly all over each other in a Christian way.
It took me half an hour to realize I didnt know them
I wore home his HoHoHo boxers. I've never felt such a connection to an article of clothing.
I need five more minutes of sobbing.. AND THEN I will get back to studying
My mind's like "He's a sexist pig" but my uterus is like "YOU SHALL BEAR HIM STRONG CHILDREN"
I can't wash the smell of tacos off my hands. I feel like the Lady Macbeth of Chipotle.
He told me was "pretty like the wife in some movie where the husband is a cheater." I think I'm gonna fuck him.
sitting in the prison waiting room in my boyfriends clothes. looooong story.
I'm gonna invite every single tinder date I've had to my birthday. Let them fight, battle Royale style. The winner gets to fuck me. \n\nBest. Birthday. Ever
I finally selected an outfit that says "I'm not easy" but still shows off the tittays.
Randomize