If you think im a hippy you should see these girls. They would scissor mother nature if they had the chance.
I may have told her we're dating for a handjob, Fake tits are overrated.
we used a swiffer mop as a stripper pole.
You haven't puked in my sink in over a year.. Youre coming over this weekend
Would it be in bad taste to ask Marky Mark to sign the vibrator I named after him?
Trying to figure out which chair my head was under last night
Good morning love! Friendly reminder that we decided to make leggings with a vagina zipper. "For the winter quickie"
I feel like my map app knows I'm hungover and is strategically not driving me by fast food places so I cannot stop
It was just a Craigslist hook up but she wore sweats. Where are the girls with class?
Another beautiful Sunday, another beautiful day the stick is not positive. Amen.
I just googled: how soon can I pee on a stick. What is my life coming to.
He looked me deeply in the eyes and said "I don't want this to be the last time I see you.. Can I follow you on Instagram"
You peed in my kitchen, while crying and insisting my floor was a toilet.
I think it may be easier if I stay drunk/high til the wedding. You game?
I wasnt 2 drunk i sobered up around the time we were shooting the fire extinguishers
Randomize
