He said he was from Mississippi and my vagina clamped shut like a frightened oyster
She made a guy cry in the bar. I will have her, oh yes, I will have her..
he wanted me to dress up like someone from lord of the rings. I dumped him.
Whoever had sex in my bed during the party last night left a glow in the dark condom on my floor. I'm not even mad anymore, I just want to know who it is so they can tell me where to get one.
you had "tips for anal sex" in your google search history this morning. how was your sunday night?
No that's sign language, not a drinking game. I tried to join
It took him three days to realize his roommate had moved out.
There is a video recording of my birth. I have seen it. It is terrifying.
I was gonna start crying but as he was asking me for my info i saw him eyeing my rack. So I sorta started pushing them together. He asked me to get out of the car he made me turn around so he could check me out and then he said and I quote "okay ma'am. Everything is fine, I'm going to let you off with a warning. Next time if you're not wearing yoga pants you might not be as lucky" I am blessed.
I'm sorry for drunkenly throwing a spoon at you and then laughing at your pain.
My mom has tinder, she is 45 and has her age setting at 18-29. And she still gets more matches than me
What! I said that you would fall in love? See I know better. Dark liquor makes me think everything is a dream. I barely remember saying that
She was riding a razor scooter down the street wearing nothing but a feather boa it was beautiful.
I hate being the first one to text him all the time...I feel like Iook desperate to get laid when the reality is that im just really horny and he has a/c...
Did I tell you about the swingers? Because I think they're trying to trap me.
Randomize
