So I just opened the bag you gave me and those panties aren't mine...
oh
i forgot i changed ur name in my phone to "the situation" so when u texted me i got really excited for a hot second
i thought we decided on me being "the altercation" instead
please dont tell anyone i was drunk
you were publicly making out with a very old very spandex covered woman...they know
he belly flopped onto the beer pong table, and almost boke his face, so at that point we decided swimming would be safer for him.
You need to let him know my only agenda is coke and sadness.
My Instagram consists mostly of drag queens and people who dress up as power rangers... I'm pretty sure I'm an unclassified category of gay
I tried to pay my tab and go home but she wrote me a "list of things I'm good at" with fellatio as no 1...
It's truly amazing how much porn I can get in while my phones at 1% battery life.
Her tits are absolutely massive. Like ripleys believe it or not shit
The first thing I did in 2015 was suck a dick.....so.....
Sex to movie scores is my best choice of the year. You've had an orgasm but have you had an orgasm with an entire orchestra.
Party bus got out of hand. Some guy pissed himself. Later, he couldn't find his house keys, so he kicked the back door in.
I think I just scared the sex out of my booty call. He saw me at the grocery store using one of those "future mother" parking spots right next to the handicap ones. He just made eye contact and drove off. I regret my laziness.
im pretty sure i tried to use axe body spray to cover up the strong urine smell coming from my jeans. im also pretty sure that it didnt work.
She’s 47 and wants me to fuck her on her mom’s hospital bed
Randomize
