I'll just stay a virgin forever then
You still have to go anyway
Then I guess I'll have to start sleeping around
i would punch a child for taco bell
I had a dream last night that Anthony Bourdain gave me a vibrator.
So I went out tonight...met a guy who slightly resembled my dad,huge creeper, he asked me to "hang out" so I gave him my moms number since he was more her type:)
You left half a beer on someones car and claimed it was a second day of hanakuh gift
i'm high and 74% sure there's a monster in my closet
For those pictures, I will suffer this headache.
I ended up with bruises on the back of my knees. Tell me again how I did this?
I feel a five day drunk coming on.
I tore the muscle in my left calf at the gym and still spent all evening in heels. UNSTOPPABLE!
Was I at least a good cuddler? Like at least honorable mention?
i found you in bed eating fish fillets dipped in chocolate pudding
I just traded a couple nudes for pizza delivery. Call me lazy, easy, or an entrepreneur, but either way I'll have dominoes in 15 minutes.
If it makes u feel any better my dick feels pretty tender dude
The couple in the apartment next to mine are both opera singers. I’m never sure if I’m hearing them banging or doing vocal warm-ups.
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