i wouldn't be half as slutty if there were better things to do.
what was i supposed to do!? wake up and actually ask her name??
Vegas is awesome. Its like you have a kentucky accent girls automatically assume you don't have herpes.
I'm taking it from the chunk of pizza I just pulled out my hair that we ate pizza last night?
If you value my life, if you value your own, please look for that godforsaken cookie. Please.
I should have known our good time had gone to shit when his ankle bracelet started flashing.
Winner winner, chicken dinner. I am the sole survivor of the orgy without strep. Or maybe I was the carrier?
If she has AMC, I may have to fuck her today. I want to catch up on the walking dead.
after giving head I just always feel like I need like. ice cream. as both a means of getting the lingering sperm out of my mouth, and a congratulations.
I don't know what part of my sober brain thought it was a good idea to get stoned when I can barely walk with crutches as it is, but that part is stupid.
"You're the only girl I haven't made out with yet" = worst pick up line ever
So we hooked up and then instead of texting me, he endorsed me on LinkedIn for Microsoft Word a few days later
Who wakes up at 9 and says "let me send a pic of my dick to my ex gf"
If we hadn't just agreed to no commitment, i'd totally propose right now. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
His nipple licking is glorious
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