dude your girlfriend loves you alot..she yelled your name lastnight in bed
He made sure to throw up on the Mexico side of the border while we were in line at the check point. Then finished by screaming you an have it back. You can have it all back.
Post-sex chicken soup was such a good idea. It's been like an hour and I'm still applauding myself
Nothing says "I forgive you for puking on me during sex" like a Facebook add the next morning...
Would you be offended if I asked you to smoke a blunt with me while I pooped?
If anyone could figure out how to pee on someone's soul, it would be you.
You always know what to say to make me feel better.
I hooked up with a 20 year old last night. I feel like a hocus pocus witch that sucked life from a child.
I snorted a few ambien and woke up here. A lady banged on our door, waking us up, demanding our towels.
I just googled: how soon can I pee on a stick. What is my life coming to.
Because my vagina is Ellis Island. All foreign penises must be presented for inspection and competency. God bless America.
Where are you and why are you fighting with a bird?
I've seen too many dicks in the past week. I can't do it anymore.
I've given up on the male species, I'm just going to be a lonely whore for the rest of my life.
The FEDEX guy just cock blocked me by getting his van stuck in my driveway
Im glad your laughing because im currently convincing my penis you didnt mean it and its all gunna be ok.
Randomize
