12 pack with dinner. Living by yourself is awesome.
im at a bar with my dad last night and he got hit on more that I did
I would drag my balls through a mile of broken glass to eat pudding out of her anus
Just saw an ad for "Liver-aid" how has this not become a life changing drug for millions?
worst night to have a conscience
Its trashy in the best of ways. Like a stripper working to pay for college.
Great. Me and the intoxalock guy are getting so close he just said "alright see you later girl!" when I called about getting the blower recallibrated.
I woke up covered in blue paint and my knee bleeding, when I went to return the shopping cart the guy in the elevator laughed hysterically. I'm having a good morning.
He stopped responding after the animal pictures... I do this EVERY TIME.
Seriously, this trumpet player gives me chills. Might be the drugs.
Sorry I drunkenly insulted your air mattress last night. You still could have fucked me on it though.
Hi, my name is Ashslay and I'll be your designated shitshow.
He showed up to a booty call with 2 tea bags, but no condom...
I sure hope so...I wonder if he could tell in that email that I'm really good at blow jobs. Hopefully he heard that tone. Any means necessary.
Apparently I was carrying around a bottle of listerine calling it 5 loco
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