i fucked a milf yesterday.
i'm not impressed, in this generation that could technically mean a 16 year old.
I cant believe she fell for the mistletoe belt AGAIN.
i left with the words "thank you for undersanding my sluttiness"
Ok more importantly someone in a chicken costume just stepped in front of my car and started breakdancing...
1st rule of birth control pills: do not stop taking birth control pills. 2nd rule of birth control pills: do NOT STOP taking birth control pills.
It wasn't good. I can tell by the way he fucks me he watched too much porn
Please come over, I'm slowly melting into a ball of sexual frustration. If I'm not dead by the end of the day be very surprised.
Almost ran over girl selling candy bars for charity. Pretty much obligated to buy at that point.
We just stood outside and debated the existence of mermaids for about 20 min. Is this what too drunk is?
He had Homeward Bound on VHS how was I supposed to not fuck him
Started out playing table tennis then ended up fucking him on the table. Happy cinco de mayo
I puked into my skirt and then had to carry it to the bathroom and dump it out, Lmfao and it was like 2pm
Peeing in taco bell cups is part of the fun of going to taco bell
Just because your drunk doesn't mean you can stick your dick in the snow. Just a FYI
Three cheers for handling my crush on my boss in an entirely reasonable manner, by having a threesome with my coworkers.
Randomize
