You made me cry and you don't even care
I'm waiting for seagulls to eat this throw up
drank two beers while on the toilet at home during lunch break. new high or new low, not sure
Apparently I look legit enough, cause the 3 bums next to me just got kicked awake by cops, and I was allowed to stay sitting here. That's a plus, right?
Totally just locked myself outside of my house, in my robe, with the fedex man and a box of sex toys. Not my week.
We're trying to leave but amy's hitting on the guy who mans the nacho cart
You're just mad that I don't wanna have dugout sex with you
Pretty sure I can show you the text you sent me stating some interest in my penis entering your mouth if said circumstances were met.
He used the phrase "no problemo" in a sext. It's over.
Im the proud new owner of the campus speed bump sign
So I've been spending my morning trying to figure out if there's a corealation between Wednesday margarita night and the boat that's now in my living room.
You spent the entire night trying to get me to make out with you
yeah I remember. your boyfriend shouldnt have cheered me on though.
I'm worried about your health. And your boobs. Actually, health, then boobs. Health first, boobs second. And third.
Am I getting cock blocked by karaoke? That's a first.
I can always count on you to keep my boobs honest
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