they say Disney World is the happiest place on Earth. It's a close second to the Super 8 on route 18. That place holds some great memories.
My favorite part of our friendship is your tits.
the whole city is out of plan b pills. this is the meanest game of musical chairs ever.
He asked me to touch his mustache. Should I go home with him?
hi sober isdnt real. this is a mass rtoomate taext i thing. bye
AMAZING.
Guess who just screamed "Everything happens for a reason!!" in the abortion clinic. This girl.
Remember when we used to go to the bathroom to do drugs together? Now it's to help you with your spanx.
Do I like my job? I just bought 1/2 oz of pot from my supervisor at work. At a discount. And he said, "pay me whenever."
Thanks for launching me off you reverse cowgirl. I think I chipped a tooth.
But if I live with you I'll help pay rent. Only if you promise no 50 shades of what the fuck internet hookups
I left her alone for a few minutes and she's already using a guy on his hands and knees as a chair while another guy is serving her margaritas.
I think we ended 5-7 relationships as well this weekend...so another good stat
My husband just came over to kiss me and said, "careful, I got a block of cream cheese in my pocket"
Unless your name is actually "Ticfj" like my phone says, I have no idea who you are...
Sorry I drunk. I wouldn’t eat those pancakes. I think I put glitter in them.
Randomize
