I have a walk of shame I should be getting to. "Hey, by the way, what is your name?" is not a conversation I want to have today
do you remember putting condoms over both your hands and asking me if your fists would be too big.
My idea of sleeping together involves doing the Humpty Hump. Her idea of sleeping together focused more on being fully clothed on the opposite sides of a king sized bed.
Somebody was walking their dog with their car. seriously
I just watched nsync videos for the past half hour and you could totally tell lance bass was gay in all of them
you don't know what its like to have your bartender tell you that you owe him beer money infront of your mother at 3pm on a tuesday
this speak and spell drinking game will be the death of us all.
Dont care what i do tnt just as long as i get to chug a beer in somebodys face
The party invite said "this ain't no lame stoplight party, you come to hookup or you don't come" I feel like their honesty deserves out attendance
Not to mention having our pick at the ensuing sausagefest
7:26 bus just came. I am sweatier than Louie Anderson eating chili in a sauna
My life has come to reading articles about dating an ex heroin addict. I'm doing well.
we are eating waffles in the pillow fort. Still think you're too straight for a threesome?
I'll be right over.
how do you know everyone's mad at you?
I just woke up feeling shameful
Fuck twitter. Fuck men. Fuck bras. Fuck flip flops. Fuck makeup. Fuck perfume.
At some point you said you just wanted to get laid, so we had a moment of silence for your dead sex life...
Randomize
