I was in the bathroom and her cat just looked at my penis with a profound hatred.
SEEEEXXX PLEASE
don't thank me. stop putting your penis in foreign objects.
My 40 year old neighbors are throwing a party for their eight year old niece's birthday. It's 1am and they're still partying hard. Harder than me. It's Saturday. Just say it, I'm a disgrace to the generation.
I lost control in the snow and hit a parked car. I went into our building to get a pen and paper to leave a note and when I came back the car was gone and there was a hot girl there. I used the pen and paper to get her number.
my advisor is telling us the best way to sneak in alcohol on move in day. I definately picked the right college
my knee is completely bruised from kneesliding into the bowling ball. bowling for creativity points was a win
I am in the bathroom at work, pooing while eating pretzels. Hungover Fridays are in full effect
Do you think if i wear this shirt with my bengals boxers this kid will fall out of love with me a little bit because that's what I was going for.
I found your dog. Now we are bros, so he is staying. Don't call, don't make it weird.
I was thinking we could get together and exchange gifts, and by gifts I mean orgasms.
But the problem is you celebrate with your heart but I celebrate with my liver
I wish I had a tail.
Why?
...why not?
So my furniture is upside-down, two lamps are glued to the ceiling, and there is a kitten sleeping on Kyle's face. Please tell me what happened last night....
I am certain that you would be a mere freckle on the behemoth of slutty that has taken place at this complex.
Randomize
