dude, your ex-bf is on match.com
details on that.
well, his profile doesn't say anything about herpes.
apparently you CAN get banned from Nascar.
P.S. I can't hear my feet
Waking up in a pool chair wrapped in toilet paper is not what I planned when I agreed to movie night
Just come back with most of your limbs...and your dick. Please and thank you
I knew it was going to be a good night when i heard another girl call his dick "Thor's Hammer"
This spray tan I used isn't working out. I spent an hour exfoliating and rubbing the damn stuff in with rubber gloves. I wanted the alluring, sun-kissed, sexy look. I've achieved smelling like burnt popcorn and the cats won't stop licking me. I'm a salt lick for cats.
Bro my mom is in for two days and you can't even hold back on the drinking she said as she left i hope he doesn't always pee his pants and he is sure popular with the girls wtf
I have a cracked rib, no way in hell I'm bottoming for him tonight!
Signs of a stoner: trying everything in your fridge topped with peanut butter to seek satisfaction.
Meet at Walmart straight from work to buy items for hurricane fun. Then blast some wine, make some sex, blast a bowl and cuddle each other till the sun comes up?
That's the most romantic New Orleans hurrication I've ever heard of. Can I have your babies?
I thought 5 times was beyond my capabilities but her tongue was like a penis defibrillator. Clear!
I think I used my hospital ID to cut the coke last night. I need to swab it for residue at work today.
A man can only lie in bed watching COPS for so long before he wants to do things that can lead him to starring on the show.
They also submitted to my demands for pizza
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