I have found the one flaw to the great pride I took as a guy to not have to sit down to pee...having to sneeze while peeing.
I swear I am going to pee, wipe my vag with my hand, and then slap you in the face with it.
Wash that dress asap. You laid down on the kitchen floor and tried to sweep the floor with your body.
You really need to get over the whole "jail" thing. Its really not that bad.
It's hard to be a gentleman when a girl pauses her karaoke version of "a whole new world," and proceeds to tell the entire bar that she wants your cock in her mouth.
I just want a guy that likes cats and is willing to get a vasectomy. IS THAT SO MUCH TO ASK?!
Of dear god, I've been waiting to have rug burn like this since I got bored of my vibrator 2 months ago
random memory from the wedding, the bartender show us how to open the windows of the hotel and pee out of them
So I walk in and he's teaching someone in London via Skype how to roll a blunt. I have new found respect for him.
It's not an office Christmas party until your boss confesses his undying love for your boyfriend...
And I'm only telling you that because I really wanted to use 'my boyfriend' and 'dick biscuit' in the same sentence.
So changing channels while she's on top is frowned upon. It's back to thinking about baseball again.
I took a pregnancy test at Pancheros a bit ago.
Ugh it's 2016, why can't our bodies just shed fat on their own
She was hammered and showed her gay best mate a pic of my cock, his response was "I fucked the wrong brother"
On a side note apparently my brother is gay
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