if you are receiving this text, you are one of the people i hate
Kelly Kapowski is pregnant and it's not Zach Morris'. I no longer believe in true love.
There is a half eaten corn dog and soy sauce on the counter... WTF did you eat last night??
Can you imagine it being physically possible any other way unless the cows are unnaturally flexible
shes a baton twirler.. i expected her to be better with her hands.
I need a hobby that doesnt involve alcohol and my tv
He's only a little bit crosseyed.
I think this is one situation where "a little bit" doesn't mean much.
while we were making out your friend starting kissing my toes and all you had to say was "just go with it"
hey you knew what you were in for when i showed up with 2 fifths of Jim. plus i left money to pay for a new sink
I will no longer accept nudes from you because I met your boyfriend last night and he seems like a nice guy
Named all the presidents in order between puke sessions while semi conscious so that's a thing I can do now
I threw a beer bottle at the bartender and pissed myself. Somehow, I didn't get kicked out.
Did you hear about the guy wearing a spiderman mask running around naked with a bottle of patron?
Yeah.
I was spiderman.
I hate being the first one to text him all the time...I feel like Iook desperate to get laid when the reality is that im just really horny and he has a/c...
Grandma said I got a good handjob. I think she meant manicure.
Randomize
