I don't think ill make it tonight the floor wont let me walk
guess who just trotted in eating her oats and wagging her penis
Katie Perry lied, you can't just wake up and shake the glitter off your clothes.
You fell asleep mid BJ last night. I put your pants back on you. My ego is pretty bruised this morning.
you were sitting on my toliet with a double cheesburger in your hand asking me how the cheeseburger even got there.
I just witnessed someone getting head in the parking garage. Don't ever tell me Baylor is too conservative again.
Sorry I tried to blow your roommate in your room. I felt more at home there.
HAPPY NEWYEARSM FAGTRON! GETTING HEAD IN TAXI I WIN
Is it a step in the wrong direction to ask my parents for a kegerator for graduation?
I am so hung over a medically induced coma is beginning to sound appealing.
I'm recreating the you're a wizard harry video with a guy on snapchat whilst having snapchat sex with another... Adulting is fun
He literally ejaculated and I hit Uber
We are back but we are listening to stairway to heaven in my car. Amy is air drums. Be back when it's over.
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
He had a temporary tattoo of Justin Bieber on his dick and I still had sex with him
Randomize
