He told me I remind him of his sister...
Was this before or after you did it?
before... I mean, it's been a long time. I just tried not to think of it during.
I was so drunk last night i ate cereal with a fork.
He could be your dad!
We discussed that right before he asked for my number
Hot mess moment: I just made really spicy guac and picked my nose, which set it on fire. I tried to neti pot it with a coffee pot, which resulted in me gagging and puking all over my bf's bathroom. oopsie.
No, we just ended up walking around in his pool high and singing songs by The Wiggles.
You kept telling that ginger girl, "it's not your fault, it's not your fault, it's not your fault."
Tried to bribe the bartender with wedding cake. Felt bad for not giving her a tip.
He's dressed as a power ranger handing out cocaine
You know you're old when tea and a hot bath are more appealing than beer pong with lesbians.
Drunk life lesson just learned the hard way: do not try to play hump the great dane. He may take you up on it.
I woke up wearing a lax pinnie under my shirt, a triathlon medal, and a dora backpack... I think I had fun
L'Shannah Tovah!
Whats that? My new stripper name?
I don't know, I think having hemorrhoids shows character. You have to be trying pretty hard to get them.
Hello my rib-scented angel!
My boss stocked the communal fridge with Gatorade. It's like he wants me to come in hungover.
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