I wanna blow your doors off so bad right now.
Doors?
Rock your world. Blow you out. Skeet skeet.
I overheard a kid saying to his mom at Walmart: "Mommy.. should we buy cups for daddy's spit?"
Just wanted to let you know that I always win at "whose ex is crazier" because of you.
Hes sobering up now. He was just really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while he was telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together..
the realtor just took us to a house I had a one night stand in. I feel like it's a sign.
She was wasted talking to my dad about the hunger games than she passed out in the shower and flooded the hotel room...
As a plus, I've lost 5 pounds in two days, so "party all weekend" is officially a valid diet plan.
I think I just pulled an onion peel off my boob from sleeping on their kitchen floor
I appreciate your acceptance of my lack of morals
Oh Jesus our whore days are numbered
This whole quitting my bad habits all at once is really messing with my ability to function.
ITS THE CIIIIIIRCLE OF SLUUUUUUUTS
Hey kevin, it's Ashlee. I have been trying to get ahold of you. Your pledge gave me your number. I really wanted to apologize for shitting in your car I'll buy new upholstery or pay to have it shampooed if needed. I'm so embarrassed.
No fucking Jell-O shots or meth. Those are the rules
Something in me snapped and now I’m just googling famous vegans.
Randomize
