I think there's some kind of asian convention downtown. There are thousands and they're all wearing badges and snapping pictures. I feel like I just stepped into your worst nightmare.
VAGINAS EVERYWHERE
they're staring at me
is it bad that while shopping i looked specifically for clothes that hold their form after taking them off and putting them on again and again?
He rode my dog to the bathroom and wouldn't stop laughing once he got in. It was scary.
Hungover/still slightly drunk at work. Opened a bag of cheese with a box cutter. Pretty sure I need stitches.
I threw up on my way to work while listening to "the good times are killing me". this award goes to modest mouse for creating the most poetic puke ever
Lets get real here, ive seen your moms breasts multiple times
they need to invent a card that reads "thanks for all those boners you gave me that you did NOTHING about"
Come my child we shall walk thru the pasture of amazing sex and corndogs. Hint:some corndogs are not corndogs.
You're alright. You just passed out while we were having sex. Then I'm pretty sure you peed. So I went home.
Just peed in the fountain while its snowing. Fell flat on my ass, literally my butt naked ass in a pile of snow. It's safe to say I'm done with drinking on weekdays
I wanted to make out with that blonde just so I could deck her boyfriend and make things interesting.
At least that would be something.
A particularly funny moment you may have missed; you walked in to the basement to announce that whoever was cooking sausages had left them on the grill for Hella long, only to be told that you were in fact the person grilling. At which point you just said, "the sausages are done" and walked out
She said my penis was powerful and magnificent
If I'm not there when the plane leaves, I didn't make it through security. See you at home! Vegas bitches!!!
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