3am cut off hipster s***'s afro on porch. Opened champagne. Felt like delilah cutting off samson's hair. Then shower & anal. So I guess his powers are intact.
he just asked if i would like him to change his diet so his jizz tastes better. keeper? i think so.
Life lesson: using the oven as a heater= $500 electric bill
We sold so many girl scout cookies when we were little. What went wrong?
Your never gonna wash that desperation outta that sweatshirt you know.
I walked into your room and you had fallen asleep smoking a cigarette. You just had the butt in your mouth with ash all over your face.
He told me I was 100% better then porn then passed out nto the cake
Just found out that guy A from the threesome I had is now dating guy B's younger sister
Today I left one job interview, showed up randomly at his house for a midday bootycall then left right after to attend my second job interview. I got both jobs
Sorry about the flaming shit on your door
I never thought I'd be in my late 20s and send that text
I think you are severely overestimating being able to get your lingerie back by posting the lyrics of Irreplaceable
...and now I welcome the sweet embrace of death.
Hard not to be concerned when you call me, tell me you've discovered the secret to flying, vomit, then hang up the phone. So yes, I'm coming to pick you up.
What happened last night dude?
YOU SHIT ON MY FUCKING COFFE TABLE THATS WHAT FUCKING HAPPENED!!!
Bachelorette party buss just rolled into down town. DTF, "horny hotties inside" and "show us your dicks" written on the windows....this could get interesting.
Randomize
