some girl that im facebook friends with has H1N1, im scared to even go to her facebook page
4 feet of snow. teaching the cats how to snow swim. throwing them off the porch and seeing what happens.
Its the little things i like about bein home like having actual toilet paper instead of subway napkins
My dad just told the waiter to keep the pitchers coming until someone passes out.
Please talk me out of ordering the stripper pole for a dollar. Please.
i swear, about 40% of my drunken life is spent having sex with him.
Ever have those mornings where you just can't wait to puke in the shower?
It would just be icing on the fucked up cake we're baking, if he got me pregnant.
Copy that. Decided to shower with a beer in a glass bottle. Gotta stop the bleeding first. Be there is 20
At some point, you're going to have to talk to a tree and do what it says
Doing laundry. My jeans from last night smell like chicken wings and motor oil.
I threw your vagina at him like a grenade. And sweet Jesus he caught it like a champ
I felt like I needed to shower with a Mr. Clean Magic Eraser.
I just found a baklava I forgot I got last night so we can call it a day
Our sex sesh was interrupted by a bunch of hobos fighting outside his apartment.
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