hotel room ftw
Oh i forgot. I hit on a mentally challenged girl too.
never try to heat up a hot pocket in the dryer if ur microwave breaks...bad idea.
Her directions to the house party: "the north star will guide you, turn left. I'm wearing the potato hat"
Just spiked the bong with a ludens cough drop with hopes it soothes my throat after i rip it.
He left his shoes, boxers and socks at my house & managed to walk home to his dorm without realizing anything was missing until 3 days after. That's the last time i'll ever hook up with a freshman.
So... crashing at the hot bartender's place is not a solid marital decision.
Walking my dog and eating a taco in last night's dress.. Classy
after what u told me last night I think we're past the wtf zone and at this point u should just join me in wondering if my barista lover is a gay porn star
pray to the hookup gods
Told him my main goal was to seduce the man and convince him to leave his wife for me. He didn't argue just asked me to let him know if I succeeded so he didn't waste anymore time not sleeping with the secretary at his office. I have an incredible boyfriend.
I'm smoking and watching the Muppets Treasure Island. Where are you?
Something about that statement reminds me just how much of a role model you are, sis.
I screamed "You look like a guy I've fucked!" to your brother at a party... I have some explaining to do.
ill drive you to the airport today if we can have sex first
i left yesterday
ill pick you up from the airport on sunday if we can have sex after
Also fucking you night and morning and then serving your parents breakfast is a bit awkward. And funny. To me.
Randomize
