I found your undies. They were wrapped around my leg.
its like they have never seen someone walk through campus with a plunger
My professor is talking about sperm and all I can think about is my mouth
Any time you start making pro wrestling references before 10 PM I know that I'm breaking up a fight between you and some muscled up frat boy you call Hogan.
my phone cant type all the emotion im having
I am not deleting the internet history anymore, now I am going for shock value.
Got kicked out of the baseball game with a 4 officer escort. Not bad for a monday night.
I call it my summer of slut; except summer lasts from May until December. It's been incredibly successful
You walked away saying that you had to pee and you never came back. We found you an hour later in his roommate's bed. Under the covers. Still in your wet bathing suit.
I usually just read books and meditate to an aquatic soundtrack of sea walrus's mating. But ill choose coors light instead
I woke up with a piece of pizza duct taped too my hand and a paragraph written on my chest. Good night is say
Nothing says Panama City like condoms washing up on the shore.
If I got everything I wanted in the world, I would have been forcing soup down your throat hours ago
I've been watching porn with my cat lately. No shame
HOW CAN YOU EXPECT ME TO KEEP YOUR SECRETS IF YOU KEEP ON TELLING ME THEM.
Randomize
