Call me so I can make it juicy for ya
what do you think about when you wanna get rid of a boner?
dying kittens.
he gave me an orgasm. multiple times. the weird stuff he did in middle school is now irrelevant.
I'm bringing poparts in case anyone gets hungry. The trek to frat row is strenuous.
you took out flashcards at the bar and went around asking guys what totalitarianism meant.
I've eaten cheese dip for three consecutive meals. I think I need to branch out.
Caught in the act of lying. Lipstick literally all over his dick. He tried to make some story about darkwing duck or some shit but failed to realize he is a complete moron.
Things i learned at work today: do not put mayonaise on a tattoo, it will get infected.
Check the mailbox while you're out!
I already looked this morning. You go check and see what you won on Ebay after your day drinking spree.
It's 4/20 of course I'm going to smoke in the portapotty and be ripped outta my mind at the lung cancer walk.
It was only funny because some guy across the street was getting his mail and he just stopped and watched me throw up everywhere
You're now part of the minority of friends who haven't seen my boobs.
Fuck me I smell like cheese
I really hope this is just a phase, because I am not capable of carrying both of our drunken whore asses through life. Too much dead weight....
You smoked too much and passed out, didn't you?
You know me so well.
Randomize
