Just mADE A PArabola og urine
wooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo
ooooooooooooo i'm drink
She was wasted. Kept yelling "what if I'm pregnant" and trying to push me into the tree. First and last time I bring a girl to my family christmas party.
The really sad thing is that I actually practiced crawling in my room yesterday in preparation for today
koolaid chicken. i marinated it for 2 hours and roasted it on a rock in a fire. it was bright blue and raw. but that shit was tasty
Just so we're clear, that's a yes to the honey, but if you get marshmallow fluff anywhere near my body we are never doing this again
he texted me at 3am asking for "one of my famous blowjobs"
well I have to shit but I'm too hungover to push, and I snorted advil so I wouldn't have to swallow it and throw up.. hungover is an understatement.
I don't know. I was hiding and the bed was banging. I am going to sleep now in someone's car.
Right now I'm standing in front of my fridge, drinking wine out of the bottle and eating cold steak with my hands. I am THE BEST at being single.
This was like angel cum on the bread of life filled with the nectar of the gods
I assume some self respect is too lofty of a gift idea
Apparently I pulled that girl's number while I was trying to insist my drivers license had enough money on it to cover the tab.
Can I put tequila in the fish bowl? I think he wants to party too
We have moved from phase 1: honeymoon, to phase 2: trapped in relationship until the cold embrace of death
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