That's the first time you've ever said the L word without referring to drinking or partying.
Just watched a fat girl on a scooter run into the back of a bus head first
You are the luckiest man alive
You unbuttoned your shirt and started walking down the center of the road screaming traffic stops for Enrique Iglesias.
It's been two days. My balls feel like watermelons.
I should have known our good time had gone to shit when his ankle bracelet started flashing.
Mixing coffee with vodka may have been a bad choice, I feel like I'm pregnant and the baby is trying to perform a c-section from the inside.
You yelled This cop is arresting me for possession! Possession of MARIJUANA!!", everyone cheered, and you let him handcuff you and take you away.
I've started drunk signing up for 5ks. Who even does that?
I keeping finding meatballs in random places
How many nights in 2015 can we have no one get injured, run away crying, or get into a brawl?
I CLEANED MY BATHROOM FOR YOU!! betrayal
I never imagine I'd say this, but can I ask Jeff for the butt plugs back even though it was a gift and we broke up?
Everything is fine, it's not hung over in here at all\n\n*Narrator* *but in fact everything was not fine*
My ex just brought my grandpa weed. Not sure how I feel about this.
I've never been so excited to be bleeding from my vagina.
Randomize
