Hi Jason, it's Liz. We dont need you to pick us up anymore. I dont care if you will be here in a milisecond. And you should know im wearing really amazing shoes.
The chance that I have herpes may have made me find god
I would describe it as pure and unadulterated shock, mixed with horror and a touch of nausea.
they just started filling water ballons with vodka.
on my way.
You act like pregaming preseason hockey is a crime. Come on man, get fucked up and watch pucks. It rhymes so well it has to go together. DOS EQUIS Y DEVILS!
you're good to come back. The bouncer pulled me aside and told me. He also said you have nothing to worry about and that you have an awesome "upper punch" or some shit
The funny thing is, we kinda did bring guys home cause you had a fort...
You know it's been a successful day when the only reason you put on a bra was to take off your shirt
It's snowing in May and there was a law school party at the strip club. The end is near.
I keep shaking cocoa puffs out of my hair. Best Sunday Funday ever.
WHAT IS HAPPENING
A FLOCK OF DICKS IS MIGRATING TOWARDS US.
I'm like 'WOMAN, YOU'RE 62, RESHEATH THOSE COUGAR CLAWS.'
I refuse to believe you if you're trying to tell me humanity as a whole isn't sad, tired, and craving Chinese food.
She's still here. My penis can feel it.
Dude, I think she left with some dude like an hour ago
FOUND HER. I swear this thing is like a metal-detector
When God closes one door, he opens up a taller, smarter, more successful door, with a bigger cock and nicer teeth.
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