I'm like a warm blanket that has sex with you
God, you're like boner-b-gone
Worst PDA I've ever seen. She even licked the mustard off his mustach
Did we fight the bathroom girl ? She just wanted to give us lotion and condoms.
She had one drink in her cleavage and another in her hand. She kept rotating between the two by leaning backward and then sipping the one in her hand.
I saved him as teletubby in my phone....that can't be a good sign. I'm not answering.
Im sitting in church with a backpack full of beer bottles. This is friendship.
He puked in the voicemail. That's a true friend right there.
Besides the fact that the only male who has shown an interest in me in the last 5 months has a strange and unfortunate resemblance to fucking Frodo, I've been good thanks
You should make us a hot pocket to split while I go throw up.
Do you think there are other mothers looking at porn in the carpool line?
Well, I currently have zero fuckboys and my vibrator just broke. A fresh start to May.
I heard you ran into my sister lastnight. Do you remember making out with her and slapping my uncle?
I can't believe my vagina just got wished happy new year
He said when the pizza came I zip locked one slice and went to the couch and snuggled with it. Does that give you an idea of how my night was?
Randomize
