I climb out of my sunroof. I mean its kind of embarrassing but part of me feels awesome and ninja like.
doing lines of blow through a tampon applicator in the study lounge at 7am so i can finish an italian composition that was due a week and a half ago...such a good student.
He spanked me with a plate. I'm not sure where this is going...
Just to be safe, you should be prepared to jump out of a second story window
I woke up with like grass burns all over my body, i'm pretty sure i made out with someone under a bus. . . but i'm not sure
Im rolling a blunt of encouragement for you to return to
I have a third degree burn on my inner thigh from the blunt dropping on me in the car
I swear, the cow we tried to tip tried to eat me. and all I could think was, oh how the tables have turned. worst trip ever
That awkward moment when you are on your way to ICU and the only sympathy gift you can think of is beer and whiskey
Welp... sober this am and I still have a parrot.
the next thing I knew, I was on the floor of a Tim Hortons bathroom in Canada.
Tell me why i'm looking through my medical records and the last thing it said about my labor was 'vagina was explored'!?
I just had drunken sex with an eagle scout behind the boy scouts of america building. what has my life come to?!
Do you remember last night?
Just that I fell down a hill with my penis out and the emt talked to me.
Walk of shame through Chipotle? Check.
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