I'm waiting for seagulls to eat this throw up
Im watching he's just not that into you, eating way too much pizza, and feeling very single.
I wish there were whore gnomes that cleaned our apartment when we were gone.
I need a leather bustier to keep them in.
Too kinky for 11:30am. Stop that.
Its a sad day when your bush has a better set of hair than you do
I doubt were getting our security deposit back... the toilet just fell off the wall
It took too long for people to come up with things in "never have i ever" so we had to change it to "Don't judge me but.."
omg he is no good in bed, bless his little heart and his big dick
And by pregame I mean drink heavily and watch Russian dash cam car crash vids
I don't want to sleep with anyone. I just want a burrito
"We drove to the deserted part of the parking lot, and that's where we blew each other. It was so romantic."
Goddamn right, I may not survive the apocalypse, but my eyebrows fucking will.
He said we had an hour long conversation about how awesome I was.
I don't know what the hell I'm going to do with myself when this is all over. I'll probably just go back to smoking pot and trying to learn italian.
I know her cup size but not her name....
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