He was telling me how the song fireflies makes him feel like he can talk to animals
Ummm. I just wanna say this now: Don't let me invite the band back to the apartment to see my stripper pole.
Just ignore his excessive use of exclamation points and be happy this one is of age.
You fucker.
You said you wanted to wrap his dick in a tortilla and make a spicy burrito. Let me just say, most girls don't have this hard of a time getting laid.
The EMT told me when I left the ER "I'd like to take off your pants again and inspect your package. Just not during a medical emergency..." We're hooking up tonight.
Points for getting a hot hook up after getting a shard of glass in your thigh. Almost makes it worth it.
Two dicks, one me.
Yoga's definitely paying off.
Are there any rules against fucking the hot TA?
Maybe for her....
Her problem, not mine
you told the police officer you wanted to be just like her one day but not a lesbian
all I've ever wanted was a guy with twelve cats who will tie me up in bed
Now I'm ashamed that I wore a bra
You know, we cock-blocked like 5 people last night. It's like we're her vagina goalies
ALSO I MAYBE ACCIDENTALLY HAND CUFFED MYSELF TO A CHAIR
I made a nest in his bed. I'm not leaving
When God made him he put all his talent in his dick. What he lacks in brain, he makes up for in loin.
Just found a handle of Tito's in my TV stand
Can't recall when I put that there, but let's goooo
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