Considering that my ex-wife dumped me to become a lesbian, the Universe owes me a threesome.
marching band practice is quite the interesting soundtrack to sex
just stole 2 cases of forties from some freshman in the woods by pretending to be a cop. that ten dollar spotlight is really turning a profit
If we both stop thinking about your penis for just a moment, we'd realize it is important and good that you are spending quality time with your family
it was pretty much a given that i would lose my thong on dollar tequilla shot night
If someone would have told me in preschool that I was going to do him I would have said no
Just got invited out of group to take shots after hearing her gay friend say "why would I give him my alcohol so you can suck his dick. It's going to be a good night
another part of my inner child died when i emptied my crayon bank for dollar beer night.
I LOVE YOU SO MUCH I'M ON A WILD DICK CHASE FOR YOU. How many lesbians do YOU know that would do that? HOW MANY????
He looked like he was trying to woo a lady version of himself by playing goblin music on his guitar.
MAN I GOT NO SLEEP AND HAD A BREAKFAST OF SKITTLES AND ASPIRIN. I'M LIVING THE LIFE.
You're only young once, and once you get old, you either regret all the sex you had, or you regret not having enough.
Is there something wrong with us? Seriously.
Possibly, but I'd rather not fix it.
Get here now. I need a drinking buddy. I don't care if you're in a different timezone, it'll be five o clock here faster.
He kept saying "i'm lost" while he was sitting on his couch...
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