I submitted an essay to my history teacher comparing changes in the middle ages to the song changes by David Bowie. I can't wait to see my grade on that.
He kept screaming "it's so seductive" while he was humping the wall
I apologize for getting really drunk, taking off my shirt, bitching someone out, crying, and breaking something at your party next weekend...
Whatever dude, I don't feel bad about it. If my girlfriend finds out even SHE should give me a high five. That bitch was fine
...And then you kept screaming "cock mouth" in her face every time she tried to talk.
Dude, you passed out sitting straight up AND in mid sentence last night
I don't know if this whole sobriety thing is going to work out... It's only been 3 days and I want to chug vodka
I like to think of you as more a magic eight ball of my life's journey?
He's trying to marry me, when is the appropriate time to tell him my real name and that Dallas is a completely fictitious slutty alter ego? I need the advice of someone with morals.
Taking advantage of alcohol's depressant capabilities to curtail my fever. SCIENCE!
I got high with the cantor. Rethinking this whole non-practicing Jew thing.
Because nothing screams stable like yelling at a guy in a bar because last time you hooked up he stole your underwear.
I wouldn't say I LOVE Pacman. I mean, sure, I'd battle against you in an epic Pacman struggle for blow jobs and glory. But I mean, who wouldn't?
He sent me a blank text message. That's a booty call waiting to happen
Woke up this morning with fake blood all over my bed which is a positive considering last year it was all real blood
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