Old men and throwing up are my life now.
i feel so shallow. people in iran are using twitter to write hardcore nathan hale shit about dying for freedom. my last tweet was "i hate the taco shits"
Half Baked? Au contraire, Ben and Jerry, I was fully baked when I ate that whole pint of ice cream.
Trying not to fart in the comp lab is going to take everything i've got.
Her vagina is like Vegas. high traffic and full of glitter.
It's summer and yet I still can't have one library session w/o seeing someone who has had their penis in me.
your brother is wearing shin guards in the swimming pool. i have a feeling that this happens often
He just kept yelling "body massage machine go" at random intervals throughout the night
let's just pour the lemonade mix into the soco. cut out the middle man.
His new job just became new places to have sex at.
They were picking gravel out of my face for an hour. I think I took more out of the road than the road did of me.
Barfights against pavement aren't genrally won by people. Props.
Jameson and I invented street rugby last night. Yeah
I am 48% hangover, 48% bruises and 2% fingers I'm texting with.
Just got hit on via LinkedIn..do I capitalize on this opportunity/land a job or reply something sassy
walk of shame across osu's campus on game day. i can see all the spots i threw up last night. its like my personal yellow brick road.
Randomize
