So random guy from last night came over tonight. I told myself I wasn't going to sleep with him but he had some killer dirty talk and a big penis in his arsenal...what was I supposed to do? Supposedly he lost his virginity to his wife and since their divorce a year ago I'm the 1st girl he's slept with, I feel like I just re-took his virginity...I feel like a rockstar.
biggest mistake ever: halloween 2009
Could you explain why there is an Australian passport in your toilet?
I swallowed and made him pancakes in the morning. I feel almost as desperate as Jennifer Aniston at this point.
I get drunk and say inappropriate things... you get drunk and sleep with inappropriate people. it's what we do.
Thank god I didn't get free from the hospital restraints. I wouldent have lasted long drunk, startled and in an ass-less gown In D.C.
Her vagina was like a painting you can put your face in.
how do you play pong handcuffed?
GOOD MORNING. Have you seen the Avenger vibrators?
You would be proud of me, I did not take a dab at work today.
dude, shes trippin so bad. idk what shes on, she just told me she doesnt remember her name then proceeded to get in the shower clothed to try to "rinse off the high"
so then the cop took one last hit off our blunt and then drove off in his car and we just all stood there thinking, yea... that just happened...
He grabbed a pine cone off the ground and yelled "I love cigars" then tried to smoke it for ten minutes.
You know what i hate? I hate when the ppl you drunkenly made out with actually want to talk to you sober. It just doesn't work that way sir.
Thanks for fucking the skin off my dick
It was a joint effort between my vagina my feet and your hand you can't just blame that all on me
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