everything was goin great until he pulled out his ed hardy lighter and smoked in my face like he was cool.
it's like you attract all the douchebags that nobody wants. people should thank you.
Come home. Power Hour by yourself is only fun for the first 10 minutes.
You realize we can hear you jacking off in your room, right?
I like it rough
He really likes Obama...and Bill Clinton too. He said "I mean, how many presidents can say that they got head in the oval office?"
Soulmates.
He doesn't like you, he likes u not having a gag relfex
It's like there testing me. My dad kept handing me margaritas and saying "you can take it"
she went apple picking. why dont we do cute things like that? let's go to a pumpkin patch!
because we're not cute. we're sluts. and sluts don't go apple picking.
I really think we need to get on this Charlie Sheen bandwagon
Sorry I fell asleep again. I'm in the shower now. Door is unlocked. Condoms are in my desk. I want your game face on for when I get out.
Would nail polish remover take gorilla glue off my nipples? We had a strange night.
There is an alarming amount of urine in here.
I hooked up with a British man... Wiz Khalifa has your bra... Couldn't have been a more successful night!
Side note: Hot guys are now getting with ugly chicks. Alert the media.
Sleeping with him wouldn't be considered hoeing out... It seems more like babysitting.
Stranded. In bathroom stall. No toilet paper. I repeat NO TOILET PAPER! Assistance needed asap. GO! GO! GO!
Randomize
