I had a disgustingly explicit dream last night involving myself and lil wayne.
i have yet to find a random guy that would make me want to do any position besides missionary, these are what normal people call "applying standards"
Afterwards she curled up in my dog's bed and slept there all night
How mad was your dog?
remember tomorrow: you burned the inside of your nose with incense. it hurt.
Masterbating to gospel music is like god cheering on your orgasm
I just woke up. In the port-o-potty next to our tailgate. an hour after the game started. explain.
i can hardly tell the difference between falling asleep and passing out anymore
It was mandatory to shotgun a beer before we were allowed to eat dinner
i talked to you about this last night, and you kept saying "he wants yo pusssaayyyyyy"
literally just blacked in. Im watching what to expect when your expecting, eating pretzels and peanut butter, and I have someone's underwear around my neck.
I would date him. For 1 month. Just so I could say I was a trap queen for 1 month.
It's only ok to pee out the window in the afternoon when you're drunk.
According to my Fitbit I was passed out in my car for 2 hours after she got us kicked out of the bar
I came twice and when I was done I petted his head and said "you did good kid you did good" and just laid back smiling. Tell me I'm not awesome.
Some guy at the bar last night bought us Arrowhead water and I was so drunk, it tasted good
Randomize
