I realized as I was wesiging my engamemby ring that you'd never love me tha same. I have life plans and Sam showed them to me
What? You're not speaking real words.
That adds atleast one bjs worth of awkward sexual tension between us.
Jager Bombs are cool, but hydrogen bombs are where it's at. Sparks and jager equals instant black out, I mistakenly tried eating a cigarette thinking it was a nacho.
Pre-St Patricks Day Log: Threw up across a 14ft radius, this is why the irish dont drink tequila
Why would I send you a picture of it when I could just steal the gnome and put it in your bed with you? Admit it, he looks just like gnomeo!
Before we fucked we both mutually agreed not to tweet about it.
This is that think about life weed. Thank god I'm in American lit this semester. I can actually write papers in this vat of introspective stoned.
getting busted for public urination is like, a step above j-walking. you'll be fine
On her way to bed she said, "If you have sex on the couch, just move my blanket" Needles to say, we moved the blanket
In tonight's episode of Travis' Fucked up Sex Life, Travis breaks into a building at Tulane to have sex with an attractive Asian man.
Can we do lunch at 3? I have a blowjob scheduled for 2.
You schedule blowjobs?
Is it okay to mention my ambition to become a supervillian and kill all humans on a first date, or is that a second date discussion?
Conversations really do change when your social worker had your dick in her mouth the other night.
Getting a lap dance from a girl you went to high school with really isn't as awkward as you'd think
And she called me out by name, nothing could have made it more awkward but it ended up not being that bad
It's an interesting experience to pee while a bird meows at you.
You need to get out of the house more
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