Never forget that any girl can get her way if she puts her vagina on the table.
overheard a conversation between 2 lesbians: 'back when I used to have dick sex...' oh, vegas, I so heart you
Mom's drinking. Just asked her if she was good to walk back to the condo. She seemed unsure until she remembered she brought the GPS. We are 2 blocks from the condo.
I found a map from his room to his bathroom this morning in my purse. Apparently I was too fucked up to get there without one.
Just had a flash back. Pretty sure i ate toilet paper last night.
that trick or treat candy bucket that we used to collect beer money last night was very helpful when I vomited in it this morning
Ive yelled into your vagina. There are few lines we haven't crossed at this point.
As i looked at his penis, it stared back into my soul. No more drinking games.
I'm not proud of how I threatened that 8 year old during drunken laser tag
Just drug him and when he wakes up be like "you just woke up from a coma, we've been married for the past five years." It'll be like the Vow but fucked up.
So I wore a corset to school. Fuck laundry.
Afterwards he face timed like four of his friends screaming he banged the hot intern.
I brought an already opened bag of trail mix from home to snack on today. Some motherfucker ate all the m&ms out of it. I hate my roommates
the universe is starting to freak me out.. ive now had sex with 3 people who were born on the same day..
Can you confirm that you aren't dead?
Randomize
