Crosby and Malkin: Two girls, one cup.
My moms helping me unpack but im getting a little nervous because I dont remember where i put my dildo
I checked for jungle juice on Weight Watchers. they didn't have it.
we literally hit three floors of our apartment building searching for condoms. also got macaroni.
Tim said I dropped my taco in a puddle and still ate it.
I really need to find a new way to reward you other than head scratches, nutella and blowjobs.
all i remember of last night is that i was drinking jameson and then NOTHING i do remember walking a dog though\nwhich is sooo fucking weird
OH MY GOD ITS COMING BACK I PUT THE DOG IN THE HOTTUB TOO
It's okay, I found my phone in the toaster oven. Logical explanation: 5 martinis
The cab driver just showed us a POV shot of himself getting ridden by a chick he took with his flip phone. Confirmed not taken in cab. Gonna be a good night...
Also, I'm sat on the floor drinking cava because life is just not working for me tonight.
I have three different pairs of earrings at three different houses including your 16 year old brothers nightstand. Look at my life. Look at my choices
I'm going back to his house to watch wreck it Ralp.
Hey, Monsters Inc. got me laid. Disney man, who knew it leads to sex.
This girl is wasted dancing to The Final Countdown. She's grinding on a guy who came to the bar in a track jacket and a wife beater
he played intl players anthem 4me and ate a strawberry out of my pussy
I really don't think my body can handle another night of drinking
Lol you talk like you have a choice
I am worried that I am gonna die before the weekend is over
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