Do you remember last night at all? Be honest
I need to look at the pictures on my camera to fill in the gaps.
is it weird that i blow-dry my hair and poop at the same time?
not any weirder than you telling me this at 4 in the morning
I found the pot of gold last night, and it was full of bad decisions.
Just think about it this way, every time you work Sunday, it's another $75 and that equals another hooker when we go to Amsterdam.
morning after pill = breakfast in bed
But on the up side she uprooted a whole peony plant from the hotel downtown and said, "I brought you flowers"
I thought you should know that there is a scientific law stating that when there is booze, people talk about your dick.
Found plan b box covered with blood. In kitchen sick. Pickle jar is empty. Wtf happened?
Toppless hop-scotch needs to become a competitive sport
I'm 2 seconds away from smashing the bottle and drinking it off the counter with a straw.
I'm naked in a forest ranger station right now
i am craving dick and cupcakes
Shut up. You had me at killer robots. Your place or mine?
I just put on my bra while peeing. I fear this will be my big achievement of the day.
so i just realized the reason you didn't answer my call last night is because the remote isn't a phone.
Randomize
