Nothing ended up happening last night because he couldn't get my overalls or fanny pack off. I woke up this morning with one strap over my overall shorts on, my fanny pack wrapped around my chest, and the baby doll still tied to my hand. Ugh white trash parties!
I called her a whore. 15 minutes later she gave me head at arby's while i was eating a roast beef. best afternoon ever
I'm gonna answer everything she says with 'cum on da face' until she breaks up with me...great idea or greatest idea?
Just saying. If you end up in canada tomorrow morning at least youll have my text to remind you how it happened
Sucks about the cops last night
to be honest when I first looked up I wanted to know who was coming from a costume party..
While you were puking in the ocean I was rubbing your back saying "Just give it back to Mother Earth".
DUDE EDDIE MURPHY JUST DID A BODY SHOT OFF A HOOKER. IM NEVER COMING HOME
Did you hook up with him before or after he shaved off half of his eyebrow?
Okay... I just said "preach it" to the pokemon theme song. I'm hammered.
The Uber driver took us to a Waffle House. We didn't even say anything when we got in. MAGIC.
Your skill with memes is vaguely frightening
Details are irrelevant. Come bail me out of jail.
I've peed in two sinks in the past two weeks. No one should be able to say that.
We've been taking shots, cranking Marilyn Manson, and eating your bacon. Your kid is probably ruined.
Stacy was in the bathroom puking, so he peed out the window. We were eight stories up.
Randomize
