She threw up everywhere and is crying about a fictional character who died on Grey's Anatomy
Shame should no longer be a word in your vocabulary.
The dentist told me I have super glue on my teeth. I'm not blaming you I just want to know how that happened
I'm not sure what happened. But I must have won because I obviously stole two full pitchers of beer from the bar and taped a note on them saying "your welcome"
I wish! That ended in 2001 when we all got collectively band from the Settle Inn. As a group we are also band from social events at the zoo. It's impressive really.
Thank you for calling me on to a higher level of debauchery. fuck anyone who says we aren't good for each other
I'm texting you the word "cockring" because I feel it hasn't been said enough throughout our friendship.
The inflatable penis from those pics was mine... We broke him that night
Last night I said "I'm so glad you broke up with your lesbian soccer mom girlfriend" I don't remember how he reacted I just remember trying to pee in the woods
And you were like wow I love water shots they taste so good
I can't. I'm going camping this weekend. I do have a life outside of your dick.
If you sleep with him I will stab you int the uterus with a pitchfork.
Prepare the pitchfork.
I can’t believe I made out with a flat earther and didn’t know about it until now!
When I went to pick up Adam from the train station, I found him passed out, covered in gold paint and wrapped in a red blanket. someone had glued a gaudy green rhinestone to his forehead. He looked homeless.
i love discovering the tokens of our drunkenness from the night before. it's like easter egg hunting. today: smashed pizza rolls in the sink.
Randomize
