I just walked in on my mom and dad......It wasn't my dad
You're so easy to please, it's adorable. Like an alcoholic puppy.
Omg. The strippers are having a batman vs spiderman showdown. Both on stage. Genius.
hahahahaha your sister just walked down from the guest house with a stain on the front of her shirt and "owned" written in blue sharpie on her forehead. i dont think she knows what happened last night either.
so why are there three stressed gay men and a bowl of vomit in the smoke room?
I started making my dollar bills into rings for the strippers
matt and i tucked you in... you REFUSED to move your head from under the bed.
You strapped the bucket of KFC into the carseat and refused to let me drive over 20 miles per hour the whole ride home. That high.
I just spent 3 hours in the back of an unmarked police cruiser. Best. Date. Ever.
Let's drink tonight I promise I'll make it out of the house
I went in for a high five.. He went in for a kiss.. Today is a good day
I wore my lizzie mcguire socks to the bar last night. Because that's how i get all the ladiez
Upon further investigation my nipples are bruised and I have teeth marks all over.
Turns out my GF and my FWB have a mutual friend. Yada yada yada, I need to crash on your couch
I would let him fuck me right here in this laundromat. Praise Satan.
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