12 pack with dinner. Living by yourself is awesome.
He made sure to throw up on the Mexico side of the border while we were in line at the check point. Then finished by screaming you an have it back. You can have it all back.
Found a bar with a washer and dryer and they serve food. I never have to leave
The fish's death was accidental. We all said a few words at his funeral. Roomie wanted to play only the good die young as he swirled down the toilet bowl
Taking shot for every red box on your worst bracket. I have 30. I might die tonight.
at which point he tried to give himself a prince albert piercing with the stapler on his desk.
I'm afraid you are becoming too bourgeois with your switch from boxed wine to bottled.
New life rule, no banging opera singers. I might be a little deaf now
Ya I know. She's self aware though, like the terminator. Which is the best kind of crazy
Already at the river; already getting fucked up. And yes that semicolon is legit because those are congruent statemests
"willing to pay anyone fun whos willing to hang out and laugh at my jokes while my friends are MIA" is this to desperate?
I bet my lungs hate me more than my liver
That's a hard toss up
Getting drunk at 9 am is not a super power.
I've never wanted anyone to have herpes as I much as I want him to right now.
I shaved my entire vagina for a man who had the personality of a potato and a C- orgasm. Life is a series of disappointments.
Randomize
