You asked the waitress for a vasectomy and handed her a butter knife, like you were ordering something from the menu
The little penguins are speaking with a hispanic accent. I dont know how to feel about it. Geographically speaking, this cant be possibly. This isnt cool.
I thought I would take a shower to wake me up but now I'm naked wet and stoned laying on my bed instead of just stoned laying on my bed
If I ever mention marriage force me to Brazil to do coke and strippers until I die.
I'm not as easy in Europe as I am in the US
Only because you can wipe your slut slate clean & start anew. It's a little known benefit of our currency exchange.
U have to come, I miss the sound of you throwing up.
No, we got so into acting out our role play characters we didn't even fuck. still sucess.
did you see me getting spanked by that lady cop who was a guy?
He just sent me a picture of himself naked while cooking pancakes and he made the caption "bitchin' in the kitchen"
You just kept walking around in a circle saying "well played 6th street well played" before falling over.
It says a lot about the way my life is going right now that 'there's no shit in your house' is fucking good news.
I hope you have irresponsible drunk insurance because you're about to pay a deductible
The pee I just pissed was about 7% better than the one at your house. But both are pretty far up there.
We had sex on his grandparents floor... the taxidermy deer was staring at me the whole time!
They want a bedroom just for their cats. And you thought we were gay.
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