i must have dtf stamped on my forehead
she thought Martin Luther king was a president at one time. I love knowing I broke up with my ex and this is what he ends up dating.
my debit card account is gonna say movie, movie, ice cream, movie, cheese fries, get a fucking life, movie
i don't understand how she was down there for so long, she's like a mermaid, a blowjob giving mermaid.
We were in the shower and he sat down an wouldn't do anything. I'm so glad he manscapes. It made washing his balls less awkward.
Yeah well tell that to drunk me. She seems to have no standards or gender preference.
You crossed every boundary on the boundary spectrum last night. You're like the illegal immigrant of drunk actions. No more holiday drinking for you.
Ok not good, my info has definitely been submitted to this sugar daddy website before.
I just replaced the poop spray with an air horn... Now we wait!
At this point, just throw that mattresses away. Or bronze it and display it as a testament to your shame. either is good.
I can't remember much from that party after we snapchatted my dancing boobs to all of her contacts
we had a "who's sex playlist is better?" fight.....
I thought the dude was just really enjoying his piss but apparently he was jerkin off into the urinal.
I just found a bag of chex mix in my clutch
You were feeding it to the bartender last night
The girl at the liquor store remembered me as "the girl who pays in hundreds" so she didn't ID me
Randomize