What about the words "You're my personal dildo" made him say "I love you"?
May i just say it is extremely difficult to pee in a cape
I am paying my roommate as much of the electric bill in pennies as possible because I hate her.
I learned his name tonight. This now makes him a real person. Obviously, I no longer want to sleep with him.
We've finally come to the understanding that as long as our conversation stays stricaly sexual, we get along.
A guy in a sombrero stopped to take a picture with me sitting on the curb.
you humped every kiosk in the store. then you asked for an application.
In all seriousness, if tomorrow night becomes a heated game of Which Ex Gets To Take The Plastered Birthday Girl Home, I'm going to bow out with my integrity intact.
...he tried to burn down someone's house once. ABORT ABORT ABORT
Its like "fucckkkkk yooouuuuuu" is echoing up my esophagus
tequila?
yep
I just made an agreement with this milf to shoot her daughters wedding in exchange for blow jobs. Going pro was the best choice I ever made.
Vodka, rum, moonshine, I don't care, just bring like 5gallons.
A party without a piñata is not a party I want to attend.
his penis was like the majestic horn of a unicorn and I came like a million trumpeting rainbows.
Just so you know. And I'm telling you this because I care deeply for you. Blue raspberry poptarts taste exactly the same as the regular raspberry ones.
Randomize
