me and ur bf were arguing about whether coke was vegan. i really hope it's vegan
she took out her dip, threw up, and put it back in. it was like a scene from Nick and Nora's trip to the trailer park.
I'm not gonna lie. having my legs shaved for me in the morning was a lovely surprise.
Just saw him riding in a basket on the front of a bike trying to feed the other guy beer. He screamed 'PARTY BIKE BITCHES!' at me as they rode past.
I lied. He's hitting on a drag queen now. Should I rescue him or take pictures?
Well, I'm at the grocery store wondering whether I exist or not.
Chilling on my porch debating between pre work drinking or video games and getting high.
Dick sucking on arrival? or would you like to cash that in later?
If you want it you better put a ring on it. And by ring I mean one of my three favorite pies.
Yeah to go race car driving with a 54 yr old gastroenterologist. I really wish you'd come to have that drink with me Wednesday
You would seriously think I would remember who put themselves in my phone as Burt Rynalds Moustache, but I don't. And I need to be reminded of who you are so I can give you a proper high five.
I'm in my onesie attempting to spoon-feed myself cold soup. I'm playing freeze tag with my hangover. My hangover's winning.
Like if Ohio doesn't think I can get smashed on wine I will gladly prove them wrong
From what I remember I had fun, until I threw up, and lost my shoes..
My dick has been in way too much crazy the past 2+weeks, but hey it feels good to fuck consistently again
you're now officially the 3000 mile booty call. congrats.
Randomize
