Ryan Howard.... the only guy who struck out more than me this weekend
JUST SAW MY DRUG DEALER SOBER AND GOING TO CLASS. This is weird, its almost like he's an actual student whio leaves his room...
HE'S turngign 18teen real soon.k
Why do I only have half my beard? My chin is so naked...
I accidentally got a lemon stuck in your bong. I was trying to make it taste good. Sorry
Maybe her vagina is like a vacuum
I can't decide if that would be a good or bad thing. I'm leaning toward good
The bartender just legitimately thanked me for breaking the cycle of speed metal by playing mmmbop.
i don't think that has ever happened before in the history of man
What wine did you feed Jack? Might not want to waste the good stuff on kitties. Kitties only get box wine.
They have some sort of agreement that they can sleep with other people if it helps then achieve their goal, or something like that
How awkward
Yeah it's pretty fucked up
thank you for being a reason not to completely check out of my life and start sleeping all day, crying all night, and living off vodka acquired through credit card debt
When you're not at your house I assumed you're somewhere having sex
Some girl is sitting topless in the kitchen and having a Skype video chat with some guy. I already like it here.
I WOULD SERIOUSLY RECOMMEND THE SHIT THAT I AM ON RIGHT NOW
Hey, YOU try working out drunk every night! Besides, I think at least one of those bruises is a hickey.
Forget work, lets run away, rob banks, and have kinky sex with fuzzy handcuffs.
IT'S LIKE YOU READ MY MIND.
Randomize
