Welp...herpes.
He tugged on my tampon string and said 'there's a snake in my boot'. Needless to say he called me Woody and quoted Toy Story the rest of the night.
some guy just walked up to the bench i was on, backflipped off of it, gave me his number and walked away....i love this city
85% positive I just found a hair of a certain variety wayyy in the back of my mouth between two teeth while flossing.
Just put a dog collar on someone's child.....was a great hit with everyone but his mom.......I think she hates me. I'm okay.with that
He drew a face on his balls with a sharpie. It was like giving head to a unicorn.
the bandages come off on Tuesday. we can try out my new breasts then.
You can't just beat off while driving someone else's car. Thats a rule
Thats your rule and this car is nice
This couch is so comfortable I can tell if it's like a waterbed or I pissed myself
I threw up vodka and borscht. I'm done with life...I threw this up in a McDonald's bathroom btw.
I feel like I put a fire out with my hand but idk if that was a dream or not
She was hammered and showed her gay best mate a pic of my cock, his response was "I fucked the wrong brother"
On a side note apparently my brother is gay
And he claims I gave him “fuck me” eyes while he was ordering me a happy meal
So... Sex in my rain boots last night. Trashy or a great show of character?
If it was with a guy, trashy. Sex with a girl is never trashy.
I don't wanna be 33 that's when Jesus died
Randomize