well yea, now i know i won't get hair in my teeth...
when are you leaving homes?
it's 7:51. why the fuck are you awake at 7:51
I had a sex dream about Oprah.
go back to sleep
dude. it was a sex dream. about. Oprah.
So my ex just cheated on her current bf w/me and now there's a car coming to take me to Vegas... Is this really my Thursday night?
I hate you.
I feel like the only solution to this is to get naked and lay in the shower for a hour then see what my penis wants to do.
We just had to use a designated driver to get to night class.
Yes, she gives me platonic blowjobs as part of our friendship.
I DON'T CARE LET'S GET DRUNK AND GO. I STRAIGHTENED MY HAIR DO THIS FOR ME.
So I was about the only one NOT pregaming or stoned at my aunt's funeral... Maybe thats why I'm the black sheep.
I might come over. Something about you makes me matronly and I have this urge to nurse you back to health with soup and a blowjob
Lets get coked out and steal a parrot this summer
She's going to hate me
Yeah well one of her many personalities always hates you.
The rest will just start to agree
Just took adderall with about half a bottle of red wine...i have stopped trying for this last exam
The dude is a cop how would I ever date a cop I wouldn't be able to talk about the first TWENTY-SEVEN years of my life!
I just took like 30 condoms from the doctors office... no one can say I don't try to save my money.
I googled my name and pictures of you drinking showed up. Way to steal my thunder....
Randomize
