Is showing up wearing the condom a bit presumptus
She told me she cured her bulemia by popping hydrocodone after she ate. that way she would be rewarded for not puking. I like the way she thinks
He was singing Will Smith Just the Two of Us to his burrito. That high.
How many times can I tell him I wasnt expecting sex before he realizes I'm just too lazy to shave all the time?
New Years Resolution for 2011 : QUALITY cock. Not quantity.
I called him daddy. To his face. Somewhat sober. What more could I do?
Saved a life and got us a free vacuum cleaner (and learned vacuum is not spelled "vacumn"). Get on my level.
IT IS CHRISTMAS EVE AND I AM SUPPOSED TO BE HAVING SEX WITH AN ATTRACTIVE BLACK MAN IN THE NEXT FEW DAYS AND I JUST GOT MY PERIOD. WHEN PEOPLE ASK ME WHY I DON'T BELIEVE IN GOD I WILL TELL THEM OF THIS DAY.
I'm going to have to have a long talk with god if my soul mate has a prince albert
I might stash a bottle of vodka in your mailbox, that way if I wanna leave early I can drink in your frontyard till you get back.
I solemnly swear I will not get your boyfriend puke in public drunk again
YOU BETTER NOT BE SHAVING YOUR LEGS RIGHT NOW IM TRYING TO HELP YOU
Dude at one point I lost you only to find you sitting in the bushes eating pizza.
He was so drunk we almost didn't even make it to his place because he didn't know where he lived
Drug test isn't today. Now I'm just sitting in this orientation with a bag of your piss in my pants
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