you lied vaginas dont taste like gold fish!
noo i said youre golden if her vagina tastes like fish!
Black out sex on the trampoline? yes please.
did the walk of shame through a baseball field. .A little league game was going on. Proceeded to buy a hot dog at the concession stand. the looks were priceless.
He texted me for drugs this time. Not sex. I dunno if I should be pleased it's not sex or disappointed that I come across as a druggie
He went into the alley to piss and came back a minute later with a case of Bud Select. I'm speechless.
I have a gash on my leg an a lobster leg in my purse.
Hey it happens. Think of it this way- you didn't wake up in jail, your face wasn't inexplicably busted and you still have all your teeth. In this group of friends, you're on top!
WHY ARE THERE NO BLACK EMOJIS? I CAN NEVER PROPERLY IDENTIFY MYSELF.
Do pleather leggings scream im easy on a first date?
You might have been able to redeem yourself had you not referred to grandma as "this bitch".
That explains the hand print on my face. That old lady knows how to throw a punch.
The annual Father's Day Wake and Bake has been canceled due to lack of hustle.
ETSY JUST SENT ME AN EMAIL WITH THE SUBJECT "SUMER ROMANCE" I'M BEYOND FUCKING DONE
You kept hiding under tables and grabbing people's legs and shouting SHARK ATTACK.
You bring me burritos. Of course I text you during sex
he's been 21 for 38 minutes and he's already trying to fist fight this dude over his girl
awwwww babys first drunken mistake
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