got arrested for "breaking and entering" last night when i supposedly went into the wrong house made a sandwich and tried jerking off to porn on the tv...the cops told me they came in while my dick was out...oh and i missed work this morning and got fired
You brought out the iron board layed it on the ground in the middle of everyone and passed out for the night
ur roommate just sent me a pic of us fucking. i'm not coming over anymore.
3 months til "no sober october" start prepping now. i cant have you bitch out on me halfway through like last year.
Where are you? This girl fell on a baby. She is just gone. Please Hurry
I'm hurrying
Dude. She just shit herself.
Apparently I'm the last girl he had sex with. That was over a month ago. If he can go that long without sex then he's clearly not the guy for me
Can't a white girl just get drunk on a Sunday night and eat rice crispy treats. SHIT
i woke up with fake boobs glued on my chest and a large black dildo on my hand. then i had to dress myself and walk home. people saw.
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
Can you come get me? I woke up in the woods behind the Super 8. I have pizza.
Hun your dick isn't big enough for you to be that lame and predictable
I have "if found please return to" written in sharpie on my arm, my uterus is rejecting everything, and I have hickies. I must actually be an 18 year old piece of shit girl instead of a responsible 23 year old
What started out as a one night stand ended in him texting me the next day, saying he thought he was gay.
He was literally screaming at me for using the same knife to scoop the peanut butter and the jelly.
She called a 10 year old handsome and we gave her a look that was equal parts confused and “what the hell is wrong with you”
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