so i had a choice between studying for my physics test on fluid dynamics or spend the night with my girlfriend. hello doubletasking.
her vagina looked like a handful of raisins.
You're cordially invited to the love nest for alcoholic and aquatic adventures. Also known as an all expense paid trip to my pool, alcohol, and vagina.
We somehow managed to get the sumo-wrestler costume into the washing machine, but I don't think the cupcake icing completely came off... And it still smells like tequila.
Beer and cheesecake and spinning in cirlcles why did you let me do this to myself
I always hoped that one day I'd have a sex position named in my honor.
She told me about it right after. She said she was scared I would be disappointed. And I was, but I pretended not to be. Which pretty much sums up our relationship.
We BOTH lost our virginities there. It's basically a landmark.
I just got breakfast in bed and he went down on me. And you though he was a bad idea. Shame
She invited me to Bikini Yoga with her friends. Sounds promising.
the shoes thing blows my mind idk how the fuck i did that and im also missing 4 of my birth control pills like did i drunkenly decide to overload my body with estrogen
Nothing makes the walk of shame as great as disapproval from a mom getting ready for work
I vote we just hike, drink, and destroy dick
There’s nothing that says motivation more than watching these little geniuses on Kids Baking Championship New Year’s Day. I’m ready to fuck shit up this year.
He adjusted my bra straps while I blew him.
Randomize
