hook me up with the drugs dog keep up the good work
How come the only thing we can do right in our lives is drugs?
Found my new morning breakfast spot. Hospital cafeteria. Nobody asks questions, they just assume shit went downnn
And after we were done he said "Let's play a game! Who can find their clothes first"
Dude, he threw a pool chair off of an 8 story building. It was a successful night I'd say.
You have no idea what this goes for my ego. I literally made you cum in your sleep.
The maid moved your bed and found almost 40 used condoms and wrappers. She just looks at me and says "Dave?"
The length of my leg hair is a constant reminder of how long it's been since I even thought I had a chance of getting laid.
DONT YOU DARE DIE YET THERE IS SO MUCH SEX TO BE HAD
Well, during the ride home I had to personally apologize to both of her breasts.
Pretty sure I just noped a member of the Canadian women's hockey team on Tinder.
i just woke up to her giving me a toothy BJ so I had to break into your bedroom and steal about 4 condoms. Sorry for waking you. :(
I think the sex rug burn on my back is infected, can you check it out when you get home?
Never underestimate the power of titties
Get over here and bring your drill!!! The strippers next door need help installing a stripper pole by their pool
Randomize
