The party tonight has no theme but I decided to go as a home wrecker.
You should have seen the look on the cashiers face when I was buying steel reserve with a suit on.
Only girl at that party wearing a fake beard and I STILL get laid...
I don't care how hungover you are were not listening to enya
The swelling on my elbow and tongue means I may have cockblocked myself.
He has until sunday, then my legs are officially closed to him
All I got from that conversation with the officer was "blah blah blah, you're disgusting, blah blah blah, $500 fine, blah blah blah, be in court Tuesday."
nah we got kicked outta the bar after the bouncer saw us putting straws up Chelsea's nose to make her look like a walrus after she fell asleep at the table
I'm having mini little movies in my head. Like for example. You were talking to a blue whale with jazz man sunglasses, but not the ray charles jazz sunglass. More like sunglasses that are round. Anyway, he has a baguette and stupid french hat. And you , you had your harry potter glasses.
After I was arrested and in the back of the squad, she lit a cig. I politely stuck my head through the glass opening and asked for a drag. She instantly slammed my head back, blew smoke at me and shut the glass. My view on state trooper chicks is forever tainted.
Until they make a bed that bathes you in your sleep, I will not be satisfied.
He's slurring his text. I didn't think that was possible.
You owe me beer. On another note, I made out with the ups guy at work today ....
My diet has been 80% Fun Dip this week, soooo, no. Not good.
I will be wearing a suit out more cuz it has been decided i rage harder with a power tie
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