I love seeing the creepers that friend request me outside of facebook. its like seeing a unicorn in the middle of campus.
im pretty sure all they do is fuck. and talk in baby talk. its two babys fucking basically.
you made me have a moment of silence for the half of a sub sandwich that you dropped on the floor earlier
when we got back we had sex. but it wasnt til the morning that i figured out her leg was broken
Please please please buy brown eye liner on your way home in the morning... I'm missing an eyebrow
I wish the sun would stop judging me for being drunk while it's still shining.
Yeah, if you don't like strip clubs you won't like microwave chimichangas.
The George Foreman grill is melted. I don't know what other problems could arise.
you slapped the bag of goldfish out of her hands and screamed, "BITCH THIS AINT NO AQUARIUM". That's how fucked up
tbh I think I just dated him for his dogs in the first place.
You threw up at the outdoor bar and it was pretty...astonishing just how much can come out of such a small human.
I don't know, we got really drunk and I slapped her with an ear of corn.
so at target i bought condoms, on sale undies, pasta roni, and martini mix. the old lady who rang me up asked "honey are you a freshman?" yea lady i am, thanks.
Ahhh the shame of taking out my recycling
one of my students asked me today if i was having a baby. fuckin 4 year olds and their lack of filter. time to get back to the gym i guess
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