So I don't have any furniture but we just skateboard drunk around the floor.
She was kinda tragic... like a puppy that runs into things. Cute but really stupid. So, yeah, I hit it.
i totally fed the cab driver fruit salad with my hands while he was driving
And im sorry for wishing your girlfriend gets genital warts.
the whole "pretend to be sober/pull it together for my family" thing really blew up in my face when i threw up into my pillowcase.
My only regret is not throwing up on the conveyor belt in the dining hall
low point in my life last night. licked pizza grease off my iphone screen..
And I might have stolen a bag of Doritos out of Matt's car and hid them in my bag and gave individual chips out to people dancing, trying to convince people they were mini tacos.. Like why Am I allowed to be an adult
In all fairness that 65 year old man looked 23 in club lighting so you can fuck right off
We were supposed to hurry because the restaurant closed at 9. I ended up giving him a blow job so we had to eat at Arby's instead.
If someone plays phil collins i'm gonna take off my clothes
I just shaved my pubes into a heart shape. if that doesn't scream romantic idk what does
I'm watching Trainwreck with Jeff and realizing that I'm the John Cena in my relationship.
I'm determining which apartments I'm mostly to move into based on how suitable the kitchens are for sex .
i had fun fun last night, with the exception of you running over my foot with your car. makes a great story for my first one night stand.
Randomize
