I can totally hide my daquiri in my sling.
i think i should save myself the $200 for a prom dress. i mean why bother. its just going to be covered in vodka/jizz/and puke by the end of the night.
He told me I took off my shirt, asked for the latino thunder and jumped on him. I want to question this but it sounds too much like me.
the only sentence i could make out from her was "i will wash these herpes away"
just watched the video of me leading you with a trail of french fries.
I still can't believe he turned down that threesome with us in central park. He must be really committed.
I need to stop drunkenly getting naked. I'm losing all my favorite party clothes.
Just had a tranny complement my outfit. Looks like I'll have to change before we go out.
whenever he tweets that he wants to get blackout it's like a neon sign for "i want to bang you tonight"
one of these days i'm gonna do a sparkly magical girl transformation into snoop dogg
ok NEVER tell the strippers its your birthday. i think i have to burn these clothes and take a bath in bleach
Never play truth or dare with a girl who carries a dildo in her purse. I'll never go to a Denny's again.
I'm so baked, I spent the last hour trying to screencapture the cracks on my phone.
Self reach around competition is what the Olympics has been missing all along. A true test of athleticism.
Don’t say some truly stupid shit like that to me. In a kitchen. Where the knives are kept
Randomize
