..well, okay, so long as I don't have to wear an apron or vaccum in high heels.
nope just do me i'm drunk and easy to plz
I sent you an email today but due to work restrictions, I had to misspell choke sex
Just left a map of the Aleutian islands on this Eskimo girls face. Check one off my Alaska to do list.
I am swimming in semen. He must have been holding it in for a special occasion.
I'm not really sure how I got home, but judging by this headache, i'm assuming it involved bourbon.
dont seek real advice from me tonight cause its always gonna end with we should have sex
Fuck. That. I'm gonna get drunker and make them regret they EVER put me at the kids table. I'm a MAN.
Drunkkker than when I told the drag queen she was prettier than me
Mid way while flirting with this super hot chick at the bar, he gets up and says no thanks I'm only 19 and gay just waiting for my buddy to hurry up and get with your friend.
Need you on the dancefloor. Hungry and lonely.
So I found a skull ring inside me this morning. I'm assuming its yours, so I'll leave it in my mailbox for you - it looks expensive.
Was it just me or did you also find it awkward when "glad you came" started playing on pandora right after you finished?
I pulled a muscle last night drunk dirty snapchatting him
I'm now forever going to blame miss frizzle for making me the sexual deviant that I am today
My brothers dog was hit by a car and died. They're really sad about it.
But they're having a baby! It's like a dog only 40 billion times worse!
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