Cumbucket.....OH MY GOD THAT COMES UP AUTOMATICALLY NOW!!
Sorry you had to hear me puke. I didn't know I called you. Was it graceful?
she has a fucking refrigerator full of four loko and is charging 15 dollars a can.... she is like a mini donald trump
i knew you were okay when you wanted to eat in the ambulance
We started a mustache riot at white castle at 4 in the morning. Will explain in detail.
hungover waitressing a bar association event. im being judged by actual judges.
I just bought emergency deodorant at Dominick's and put it on in front of a homeless man while waiting for the bus. He laughed and said 'girl, you a mess'. This is my life.
After that time I came to the conclusion that jeeps are the best cars to have sex in
Im including "no monologues past 1am" in the list of apartment rules. Theatre majors dude.
All of my friends are talking about changing their lives because they have an alcohol addiction and I'm over here reminding my boss that it's national beer day.
His sister hates me so I took his virginity on her bed
So I figured out why that guy from Tinder stopped messaging me back. He got married.
whatever. i just wanna get "forget my own name" wasted
no. you need to know your name so people know where to return you when you get lost.
I might have to quit marching band. It's affecting my drinking schedule
Not having a reliable dick in is getting expensive. I’ve had to replace 3 vibrators since Mike and I split up
Randomize
