they had a keg party to fund her abortion.
he used a semicolon in his bootycall text, of course he's not gonna go down on me.
after you threw up, you tried to prove you were sober by reading the ingredients off the shampoo bottles
I don't know what you're doing, but there's a dragon on my street.
Holy shit bill nye is being consulted as an expert on cnn and hes credited as the science guy. What the fuck is the world coming to?
pretty sure i had my hand down BOTH their pants at the same time at some point...
At what point in my life was I not hugged enough to be on my fourth walk of shame in half as many weeks?
You were sad because he was "taking it out on the plant"
also bought condoms to give away to people who look like they're about to make a bad halloween decision. I'm like a fairy.
When the cops pulled up I just stood flat against the fence with my hands up while yelling out,"I'm a tree!!"...
ripping the fire alarm off the wall probably seemed like a better idea last night than it really was.
Did you blackout Saturday before or after we had sex in a random snow bank?
His name is Dustib. Not a typo. I just can't.
He got too drunk... he threw up ON the closed toilet.
It's a Jersey thing
I've decided I will have no shame for the things I don't remember doing.
Randomize
