are you still at the devil's house?
Raging hang over. 6AM finish. Shat on a bag of trash in an alley. D L that last bit.
I spilled a beer on myself, so I went back to my place to change. The city marshall was at my door with a warrant. That beer cost me 760 bucks.
Great, now everyone thinks I've had giraffe semen in me
i think i should save myself the $200 for a prom dress. i mean why bother. its just going to be covered in vodka/jizz/and puke by the end of the night.
I woke up after 12 hours of being wildly intoxicated, got jizz on my face, and woke up in a different bed than I passed out in. My makeup is still perfect. I'm writing Revlon a thank you note.
Jus posted an album so big that it takes my manhood into question
I gave ten strangers a full description of his penis and its abilities. I need to stop drinking.
Apparently he's taking the slut he cheated on me with on a cruise for her birthday. THAT COULD HAVE BEEN ME. TITANTIC STYLE.
It was a group decision to take your pants off. Took a solid 10 minutes. No more skinny jeans while drinking.
Dude. I've never been with a guy who just wanted to go down on me all the time including while I'm shooting zombies on call of duty. My life is complete.
My liver is fucking rocky. Get knocked down 7 times and gets up 8. World champ
Just let me pee on you and I'll leave you alone.
Is it bad that if I found out I couldn't have kids I'd be more pissed that I've been using unnecessary condoms than the fact that I'll never be a mother?
Why yes, I DID want cramps for Christmas, how did you know God?
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