Remember, sex is not sex til both people cross the finish line. Until then, it is just a favor.
he was actually really polite. he asked before he came on my chest because he "wasn't sure my stance on it".
I doubt the Taliban would support fake nipples.
It was the most graceful puke ever. I just thought she dropped something underneath the bar until she told me what happened.
I can't even type what I drank. I'll throw up
Remember, ur body isn't a visitors center
And I also succeeded in getting kicked out of a bar when I was drinking straight from the vodka bottle at our table.
But I swear to god if I'm awkwardly there while you try to have sex with someone again I'm getting high with your dad
If you saw or spoke to me yesterday can you message me. Trying to make a timeline of the day I was too drunk to remember
UGH FUCK THIS TRAFFIC I WANNA SUCK A DICK
I opened my bookbag to put my laptop in and I found two granola bars and a pregnancy test. I am clearly prepared for life
I don't think I bit anyone but I woke up to scrapes knees, bruises and new friends.
I am going to paint butt plugs like little Christmas trees and give them as gifts.
You could paint cock rings as wreaths.
fucked him on the porch to avoid the chanting that always happens when we leave the bedroom. backfired when a group of freshman walked by and started screaming like fucking babies.
I doubt the gods of funday Sunday would exact such a high price... But it's good to know an afternoon with me is worth a left foot.
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