Man now I have poo on my blackberry!!!
brownberry?
If my nicknames are based on what I throw up, you can call me Jimmy Johns
I just had a flashback to last nights party, I'm pretty sure I told most of the people there that I post a masturbation schedule for an iCal download.
Just because we buy weed together doesn't mean were a couple
Just sold a bike on craig's list for 4 four lokos and a 40. How bad do you miss college?
i'm satisfied with the level of pretty that his new girlfriend isn't.
It is official. It's the year of doin married chicks. Similar to the year of virgins but without all the baggage.
we just bought Vicodin from the Chinese delivery guy, this day just keeps getting better.
i feel like pizza bites are my only friend right now
I stole an ensure out of their fridge and started chugging it. That was when Maria made me leave.
So yeah, don't be alarmed when you come home after work to find me eating cookie dough out of a margarita glass with a knife and watching The Little Mermaid. It's been one of those days.
me and him got disney princess makeovers at disneyworld. this is why gay guys make the best friends.
CAN I WEAR ASSLESS CHAPS TO SUNDAY BRUNCH OF JUDGEMENT????
There is a video on my phone of me suckling a bag of wine from your crotch area while you say "The Body of Christ" in a Michigan accent. I vaguely remember being offended by this yet I did it anyway.
The moment when you and your BFF compare frequently used emojis and realize you have similar mental disorders and a really weak alibi.
Randomize
