I must be too annoying 4 u.
dude you need to get laid
me?
no, the other guy who hasn't been laid in 7 months
oh I thought you were talkin about me
wait
the only girl from my high schools graduating class coming to our school next year went stag to prom and still has braces...
dibs.
i want to pour hot gravy all over you in bed
Would "deck the halls with penises " be an appropriate event title? I know peni is the plural but flow of the tongue as well
There was just a girl standing next to me on the train, wasted, wearing only one shoe. I so wanted to pat her on the shoulder and say "oh honey, we've all been there"
How did you not realize the handbrakes were stuck?
I thought I was just out of shape.
me and him got disney princess makeovers at disneyworld. this is why gay guys make the best friends.
I'm making poor life decisions again. Tune in tomorrow to see how much I hate life.
I am about five seconds from ripping off my clothes and throwing myself into the ocean to become a mermaid
I almost stopped mid bj to let him know I appreciated his balls being nice to look at/have my face near. But I didn't know if that would ruin, or improve the moment.
One singular head for man, one giant climax for mankind
We made out in front of everyone INCLUDING his girlfriend. And no one saw. THAT DRUNK!
Lobby closes at 2 AM on Thursday, but everyone walking still wants food... I could run a "Taco Bell Taxi" when I clock off at 2 and charge a dollar to give drunks a ride through drive thru.
Someones thought of a way to afford tuition.
Ever get that feeling that you're the back up booty call and half way through securing the fake date excuse to try to get in your pants, the guy hears back from the original booty call and drops the conversation with no explanation?
Randomize
