I mean I found and stalk his moms facebook.. that obsessed.
the cops didn't wanna shut the tailgate down but the strippers weren't allowed to take money without a license or somthing
Last night you sang a duet with a gay man posing as a straight man posing as nicole kidman; your life lacks neither color nor texture:)
A giant panda just asked me for a cigarette and said "man pandas gotta smoke too." There is something wrong with this place.
When you put my balls in your mouth i just want to buy you expensive gifts...you know what i mean?
is that a sigh of girlish delight, or "sigh...I'm having a herpes outbreak'
Can't it be both?
One does not fall in love, one falls flat on the their face after leaving a bar
Thou shall not get drunk and hit bitch cup in pong and take shirt off while wearing a see-through lace bra again
I needed to bring way more fireball to class to match this professors intensity
Got promoted and on my way out the door was informed that my beard makes my face perfect for riding. Today is gonna be a good day.
So I think I've successful blown my foot off in a way that's going to make you call me an idiot.
I feel like with a dick like that he could of done more with it
Honestly cannot tell if I’m magical or really, really high.
I don't know what else is in your wedding gift, but I just pulled out a pair of handcuffs in front of her grandmother.
Also a whip and a blindfold. Don't be a bitch, enjoy it!
Fun fact: nipples work on touch screens. Tell your friends :)
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