I am not having having sex with guys at the moment.
I can pretend to be a girl if you want. I have a tongue.
She made me add her as a friend on fb before she got into my bed... I sense a stalker
Suck a a big bag of reindeer cock bud. Sent from church. See you in hell
I just puked in my fish tank. Helloooooo summer.
She always acts like she's doing me a favor with a hand job. I've been giving myself hand jobs for almost 20 years.
toilet paper cling ons are not as adorable as the little red cub makes them look on the charmin commercials.
I want to meet new people and vomit on their things instead\n
Pretty sure that I got the MVP of wedding reception... woke up on the bench in the hallway of a hotel and we did NOT start the night there.
I'm spoon feeding myself tequila for breakfast, should we skip class today?
i finally decided to cut him off after he he looked me dead in the eyes and said "how have i been inside you for the past twenty minutes when my pants are still on?"
My dad handed me a drink and said, "This'll knock your dick in the dirt..."
THIS IS A TERRIBLE REWARD FOR NOT GETTING PREGNANT.
My aunt asked how many piercings I had and my mom said seven and I said nine and that's how my family found out I had my nipples pierced.
I swear I get as excited about the sound of a condom wrapper as my cat gets when she's getting a can of food.
i just woke up on the desk in his dorm with him snoring in my vagina. better than last week waking up to a different guy puking on my bare ass i guess.
Randomize