She highfived me after i yelled "I'm the clit-commander!" when i came. kevin smith fan and clearly a keeper
I'm at a party with that guy you made out with on new years. He remembers your name!
just found my diary from when i was 14. i demand a drinking game of this.
Just tried to use the bottle of Sprite in my car as mouthwash to get the taste of puke out of my mouth- it's half vodka. Puked again. Thanks man.
You gave the cab driver your pants as collateral while you ran in the house for money.
Seriously... Things should be way more awkward... The entire female half of the bridal party INCLUDING THE BRIDE blew me in high school....
Yes. Yes. Double yes. I'll bring the tits. You bring the frosting.
I want to lick his teeth again. Is that a creepy thing to say?
somehow I feel like "adventures with cocaine and molly" wouldn't be an appropriate "How I Spent My Spring Break" essay topic.
I think there is a legit party going on the place we thought was AA
you said, 'he held out his hand, that means we don't have to pay' about the taxi driver, and then asked the doorman what happened to your pants...
Like I owe him sex. Hell fucking no. I owe myself sex. With a celebrity. Or a clean pornstar. Who knows.
They think I'm one of them. I'm about to get drunk in a Santa suit and bust down the door singing Christmas carols.
Stoner thoughts are the only thoughts I want to have now.
I love how fuckboys immediately become cultured when I tell them I’m an artist.
Randomize