One girl and one boy is just not enough.
Successfully pulled the houdini tonight. Check that off my list.
Did you see Brett Michaels get knocked on his ass?
Hurt me personally.
Knocked his cowboy hat off... Bandanna was still good though
at a bar and heard one girl tell another her tampon string was showing she goes i dont want it in anymore anyways. then proceeds to pull out her tampon in the middle of the bar and leave it on a plate. ewwww
What happened to the watermelon?
You fucked it.
After having to meet his mom half naked, running into the tree in front of her didn't seem so bad.
Just found a picture of a hobo making out with her tits...a HOBO
Well, she's officially disappointed in me. I have it writing.
Sober me does NOT approve of what went on in my pants last night.
Why do you have to go to the hospital?
I gotta apologize to a male nurse who's tryin to press assault charges on me
So my roommate and I have a written agreement stating that if he tries to sleep with his ex girlfriend, I have to immediately intervene and nut punch him then send her on her way.
this is the most serious roommate agreement ever
Sunday mornings are confusing. Like. I can't decide if I want to go for a run or start drinking
He showed up to a booty call with 2 tea bags, but no condom...
I went to my AA meeting last night. My drug dealer is now my counselor.
If I wanna spend the whole night tied up and getting railed I'm allowed to do so
Randomize
