ad ew i am wasted whats my problem
My dad is complaining about how his computer keeps getting viruses. I don't have the heart to tell him he needs to stop downloading so much porn.
We tried to make a sex tape, but we were hammered and she forgot to take the cap off the camera. Somebody starts snoring 10 minutes in.
After we fucked he shhhh'd me and said your welcome
Ps. I feel like I may pee myself this weekend. Either drunkenly or out of excitement. Toss up
Maybe you shouldn't go to cosmic bowling, i don't know if cum glows and I don't wanna find out i'm sure his parents don't either.
He was hiding behind my bedroom door. at noon. Wearing a t shirt. And a condom. Not attractive.
Dude, seduce him with cookies. You almost turned me gay with scones. Don't be surprised when they get you laid.
Long story short he broke into a preschool and threw all their cones into a tree.
I'm a hopeless romantic that likes rough sex. Judge me
I have tan lines from my nipple rings.
Stop calling my penis "Fat Jesus"
Ugh... The hoe gods giveth and the hoe gods taketh away.
I just used my sisters cheerleading plaque and a children's book to crush up painkillers to snort. Happy Friday
Pumped to get "pass out-wake up in Berlin-buy a chinchilla" drunk?
Randomize
