Have you ever made a sandwich from swedish fish and tortilla chips?
did we cross streams again? the only thing I remember is seeing a dick
If it looks really sketchy and smells like burnt pizza and pot you're in the right place
I masterbate to the thought of you. You totally aren't just a booty call.
Whiskey and I have a long and stories tradition of excellence
Thing I said while arguing: I want to be single again so that I can have pizza and dick rained down upon me.
Pulling out all the stops on being a lady.
Well I can't message him and be like "hey I was behind you in CVS a month ago and I remembered your last name and DOB and looked you up on fb and added you so wanna hang out"
He crawled outside into the bushes to throw up. He's just laying there now but he says he'll be ready to come home if we just give him five
I am not working on the very first day I can throw up alcohol that I legally bought and drank.
I slept naked with a towel wrapped around my waist in case I pissed the bed again
You can't just snapchat me a picture of a pregnancy test and then not answer your phone
You were passed out in the OutBack Bowl Shrimp costume and when we asked you wtf happened you just said On Wisconsin.
I have 2 voicemails from u last night. one of them is just 5 min of u saying "doodling"...
After the 2nd person threw up, you told us that your 'mint shooters' were just shots of mint mouthwash
And then he tried to convince me that he could wear a condom instead of pants to go out.
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