Is it weird that I found myself thinking of that blue chick from Avatar while she gave me head after the movie?
This house was built for laser tag.
If i evwr doyble fist jack daniels and smirnoff again, i hereby give you permission to take them both away grom me and give me and give me a glass of wat
She's more of a "I'm gonna get herpes no matter how great her face looks like" pretty
It was good I woke up with my mattress on top of me. I walked around naked the whole night as people wished my Happy Birthday.
I only made out with him because he cured my hiccups
Houston, we have a blender
She kept crying and asking why I couldn't look more like Dennis quaid.
I think my Halloween costume this year will be made entirely of pillows and I'll be Marshmellow girl or Kirby. That way I'm comfortable, warm, and if I fall over drunk I'm safe.
You know what the worst feeling in the world is? Sitting in your 6pm AA meeting still hungover from the night before
They finally caught us and banned us forever, but it was worth it because we didn't have to pay for light bulbs for at least 3 years.
So you stole light bulbs, from your favorite bar, and got banned, and you're happy?
Look we couldnt pay for light bulbs and ramen, and you can't eat light bulbs or cook in the dark. Win - win.
You threw your body across the gross couple hooking up on the couch and demanded they scratch your back. I love you drunk on peach schnapps
I've reached the last of the wine in my cup so now I have to sit up in my bed to get it through the crazy straw
i spent most of last night convincing myself that dan akroyd wasn't actually standing in my bathroom holding a dead chicken
No. I'm home alone and 100% dickless. I hate my life.
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