You're the only person with a favorite bar in Disneyworld
apparently, "please pick me up from the airport" also means "i got drunk on the flight and need to give you roadhead in broad daylight"
Mom's drinking. Just asked her if she was good to walk back to the condo. She seemed unsure until she remembered she brought the GPS. We are 2 blocks from the condo.
HOnestly. That's my one goal for this whole trip. I don't give a shit about souvenirs or sand. I want penis.
Sorry I pissed in your dining room and kicked your best friend in the face while he was passed out.
Sorry I can't go bowling with you guys. I'm getting daytime dick. That's the best kind.
mate, my mother watched me threw up out of my nose wearing only a g-string.
my memory may be fuzzy, but the 20+ naked pictures I sent him were surprising clear
But the Super Mario beer pong table is more than appropriate.
There was a huge crash. I came out of my room to find you sprawled out at the bottom of the stairs in your bra and panties. You looked at me, yelled 'WHAT AM I DOING WITH MY LIFE' and then ran back into his room.
Why the fuck is there a picture of us jumping a girl that's wearing my chicken mask?
I don't know. Sometimes you can be a wild card with your emotions. Mostly the emotion known as anger.
I just want to sit in my tub, drugged out of my mind, and watch the green lantern cartoon while the world as we know it ceases to exist outside my bathroom door, Okay? Is that REALLY too much to ask?
Hungover on St. Patrick's Day. I did this backwards.
Its official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world
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