There is no way when we get home that nothing will hapen
new low.... made out with someone while peeing
I'm gonna die fat and alone and all they will find is pizza crusts
Ketchup is God's man juice
Considering last night's endeavors, I am going to hell 5 times over. 1 for puking on a hobo, 1 for laughing about it, and 3 for remembering it today and laughing about it sober
Your roommates boyfriend just approached me while I was working to tell me about the staph infection he got on his face. Where do you find these people?
He sent me a picture of his ass and said the backdoor is open. Almost grabbed my keys and a condom before I saw it was a group text. Not nearly drunk enough for his desperation.
That's not how these arrangements work. You don't buy each other stuff unless you break a sex toy. End of story.
Hahah fuuuck, bag pipers played around me while I threw up. Literally
Of all the shitty people we associated with, you should be happy that I'm the one fucking your cousin. Sorry.
I hope your sleeping good cuz when u wake up im punching you square in the face
I'm high. The text bubbles floating do no justice to the underwater experiences
It's a good thing you're straight. You'd make a horrible lesbian.
Last time I "ran into him" I ended up with the clap and had to explain why the ladder was missing from the garage.
Heading there now. Already have a boner.
Randomize
