I accidentally had sex with my boyfriend's twin last night...and he didn't stop me.
How was it?
Fantastic, but that's not the point.
you kept running around the room with a flask shouting "so much room for activities!" then someone tripped you and you passed out
theyre selling pepper spray in the courtyard. hellooo atl
What part of "you pissed in the tent" do you not understand?
Totally just locked myself outside of my house, in my robe, with the fedex man and a box of sex toys. Not my week.
Between the hair pulling and the choking its its more like combat than sex
Sorry I have an "Operation Iraqi Freedom" fantasy
It feels like my uterus is trying to crawl out of my ass wearing cleats. And yourself?
She kept telling people I wrecked her brain. That high.
I wish buying curtains was as easy as buying drugs. I already KNOW what I want and what the outcome will be: awesome.
Wait do we still get bagels if no one got laid
I know it doesn't seem right, but sometimes, bagels are just flat out called for.
The crowd is chanting "we want sex!" There's a man dressed as bacon. That is all
Cause I'll toss Tabasco sauce in his eyes and yell "Cobra attack" and walk away
On the way home she told me she was in kindergarten when 9/11 happened
Why am I sleeping on top of the fridge?
You were playing hide and seek with the dog. she couldn't find you and you passed out.
You kept pointing at me and saying I'm getting chicken parmesan and no one is going to stop me
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