we are at a mexican restaurant and the tv is playing mexican porn. dad won't stop watching.
i left him drunk and in the fetal postion in the shower.
was the water running?
yeah but he said he knows how to swim
I just witnessed Grandma making her infamous daiquiris. Extraordinary.
I wouldnt consider it a good Wednesday if there wasn't any projectile vomit involved
We broke two of his toes while having sex. He laughed said he'd fix it in the morning and kept going. I think I'm in love
I automatically know you're drunk now as soon as you start yelling in spanish
Lots of rum and cokes. Bartender wore my underwear on his head. Lost my keys. Accidentily started a fight. DC is going to kill me
you shall refer to me as my indian name from now on...running with dumb cunts
Went to an open-bar law school party and puked in front of Justice Scalia. My legal career is now complete -- I literally got judged by a U.S. Supreme Court Justice. Can't get any higher than that.
I am not saying having unprotected sex in my boss' pool was a good idea, I am just saying it wasn't my worst idea of the summer.
Sorry, I was unaware dragging you upstairs for sex was such an awful thing.
Just bc you put "its cute" at the end of it doesn't change the fact that u have called me a vag twice this morning and its only 10:03
I mean, I Just Had Sex in 4 on her top 25 most played list. That's got to give you some indication
Well I'm in a stranger's bed.
Gotta leave to watch the Lions
New drinking game idea: Take a shot for every republican you see on facebook bitching about the ruling.
Randomize
