She had hickeys... what's up with that?? HAHAHA
I woke up on the side of the highway to the ppl in orange jumpsuits cleaning to comunity service. Not sure which freaked them out more... Finding a dead b ody or me not being dead
found a new level of pathetic. i watched a guy pick out cigarette butts from a jar that weren't completely finished. make sure you go somewhere in life.
I'm ready for my liver to be the last casualty of 2009
I just walked by that girl who tried to commit suicide over me in high school. That was weird.
Somehow "stranger danger" turned into making out with a 25 year old on burbon street.
thats the 2nd threesome ive been accused of this week
i will trade you pizza and a blowjob for a fifth of vodka.
do i get to eat the pizza while you give me the blowjob?
Indeed. Apparently I called my sisters and told them I wouldn't get arrested because it's not a real sword.
The fact that he offered to stop once he stuck it in my ass was sadly the most considerate thing anybody's ever done for me.
Got drunk in Atlantic City Flagged down some guy with two wrapped tampons like road flares for a cigarette.
You added his wife on Facebook?! You're horrible at this mistress thing
I figure blowing aggressively into a harmonica is better than screaming, "GET THE FUCK AWAY FROM ME YOU SOCIOPATHIC SUCCUBUS" to my sister, in the middle of an auditorium, during my mothers college graduation ceremony.
My husband just came over to kiss me and said, "careful, I got a block of cream cheese in my pocket"
I was just in the bathroom and some guy yelled all hail the king... i cant go anywhere without getting recognized anymore.
Randomize
